I Love Devotionals by Wendy van Eyck

When you are feeling overwhelmed this week, remember this

2015-10-26T13:08:00.001+02:00

Who else has held the oceans in his hand?

Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers?

Who else knows the weight of the earth

or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?

Isaiah 40:12 (NLT)

Some days, I wake up and feel overwhelmed by the calendar ahead of me.

I look at everything I have to do and feel anxious about what I need to get done. And even whether I can do it.

I’m having one of those days.

Maybe it’s Monday, maybe it’s that it’s STILL October and I’m all ready for Christmas break.

I'm not really sure what it is but I know that I’ve found comfort in this verse:

Who else has held the oceans in his hand?

I stumbled across this verse on pinterest last week. I’d read it before, but this time it meant something to me. This time it reminded me of what it feels like to be held by God.

Shortly, after Xylon was diagnosed with cancer in 2012, there was only way for me to describe God’s presence in my life. I chose to use the word “Held”.

I didn’t really know how to describe the feeling of being “held by God”. I still don’t.

My best attempt still falls short: an overwhelming, undergirding, engulfing feeling of being held. Of being safe in the arms of the one who created me, who breathed life into me, who knew me before I was born, before cancer, before...

The last 10 days every time I’ve felt overwhelmed I’ve pulled this bible verse out as a lifeline and reminded myself that if God can hold the oceans in his hands, he won’t let go of me. (tweet this)

When nothing makes sense and life feels hard, the God who knows the hair on my head and the beginning from the end, somehow presses me to his heart, and lets me know it’s going to be okay, and that he has been me holding fast.

Sometimes I think the storms of life can dislodge me from his hands but I’m coming to realise that God even holds the storms of life in his palms. He is that big!

Being held by God hasn’t magically made everything better better but when I’ve cried out for help, I’ve been held, by arms strong enough to hold the ocean.

Ponder: What bible verses do you cling to you when you feel overwhelmed?

Prayer: God, hold me like you hold the oceans. Amen.(tweet this)

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One thing to remember when you're about to unravel

For the times when the future scares you

When you feel like you can’t keep your head above water

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In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

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When you need God to make something out of nothing, remember this

2015-07-30T13:08:00.000+02:00

First this: God created the Heavens and Earth—all you see, all you don’t see. Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God’s Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss. Genesis 1:1-2 (MSG)

I blew it yesterday.

I had a chance to put my best foot forward. I had people who believed in me. And instead I collapsed in a pool of giggles. And drew a complete blank on what to share.

Then I spent the rest of the night speaking mean to myself.

How dumb could you be?

How could you blow that chance?

You sounded so stupid.

No one will respect you after that.

You won't get a second chance.

It niggled at me for hours.

I was so embarrassed about it that I didn’t even tell Xylon till just before we went to bed.

Xylon told me not to worry about it, that it was nothing, and that the other people would have already forgotten it.

But right then it didn’t feel like nothing.

I’m sure you’ve had days like that.

Or times when you think that if you weren’t around nothing would change in the world.

Perhaps you’re reading this thinking that you’ve got nothing to offer.

Or you’re the one thinking, “Why bother? Nothing will ever change.’’

Or you’ve had moments when you believe that you are worth nothing.

Possibly, your life has been so broken, horrible and dark that you believe that nothing will ever be right again.

But all these nothings are nothing to God.

Genesis tells us God created the earth out of nothing.

I love that the bible tells us that. I love that it tells us God created all that we know out of zilch.

The earth God created is beautiful, breathtaking and magnificent.

No one would he ever think God made the earth out of nothing.

Which makes me think that if God can create beauty out of vacuums how much more can he create with our lives?

God can take the “nothing” that you have and turn it into something beautiful. (tweet this)

He’s done it before and God can do it with you.

And if God can create something out of nothing then I’m pretty sure he can create something out of the mess I made yesterday.

Ponder: What in your life feels like a nothing that God could make something out of?

Prayer: God, please make something out of the nothings in my life.

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What if you believed you were worthy?
When you have nothing left to give

When you're struggling to believe you are valuable, read this

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In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

One simple thing to focus on this Easter

2015-04-02T13:26:00.003+02:00

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. Romans 5:6-8 (MSG)

I wrote on Monday that the thing I love most about God is that he seeks us out.

While I was writing it I was struck how the story of God finding Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden is the Easter story.

It’s the Gospel.

God coming to them.

God seeking Adam and Eve out after they’d messed up. God looking for Adam and Eve right after they’d just done exactly what God had told them not to.

Jesus coming to me.

Jesus calling me to him while we are trying desperately to hide from him.

Jesus beckoning us to fall in step with him while we try madly to tell him why we will never be good enough for him to call us friend.

And Jesus looking at us as we hang on a cross with all our sins written out on plaque above our heads and saying, “Friend, today you will be with me in paradise.”

That is the miracle of Eden, the miracle of Easter: that God came to us when we had nothing to offer. (tweet this)

The Message puts it this way in Romans 5:6-8:

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready…God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Jesus did it all.

Jesus didn’t even leave the finding up to us.

God sought us out and then offered us life, life, and more life.

Ponder: What is the most poignant thing about the Easter story for you?

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for coming to find me. Thank you for the life you gave and the freedom from sin you bought me on Calvary. Amen.

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One thing I really like about God (and 6 reasons why I’d probably never seek him out)

2015-03-30T05:30:00.000+02:00

When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.

God called to the Man: “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8-9 (MSG)

There are lots of things I like about God.

But the thing I like the most about him is that he seeks us out.

God doesn’t wait for us to come to him.

I like that.

I like it because I’m kinda shy.

I like it because there are so many reasons (but I'm only going to list 6) why I’d probably never seek God out:

God's better than me.

He’s perfect, while most of the time I’m a mess.

Sometimes I’m angry with him.

Other times I doubt so much about God.

He is without sin. And I have sin attached to me like the sun spots on my forearms.

I’m a person and well, He’s, umm, God.

But none of those reasons have ever stopped him seeking me out.

It’s right there in the first few chapters of the Bible.

God coming to us.

God with us.

God seeking Adam and Eve out after they’d messed up. God looking for Adam and Eve right after they’d just done exactly what God had told them not to.

Love finds us where we are.

Love crawls into the dark places where we are hiding and says, “I’m with you.”

Because that is what Love does. And God is Love.

I don’t know your story, I don’t know why you’re trying to hide from God, or why you think no one will notice if you’re not around, but I do know this:

Love will always find you where you are. (tweet this)

Ponder: Do you believe that God seeks you out? Is there a time in your life when you thought God wouldn’t find you but he did?

Prayer: God, that you for finding me where I am. Amen.

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When you need God to show you he cares

2015-03-16T14:35:00.000+02:00

“Do you think you can explain the mystery of God?

Do you think you can diagram God Almighty?

God is far higher than you can imagine,

far deeper than you can comprehend,

Stretching farther than earth’s horizons,

far wider than the endless ocean. Job 11:7-9 (MSG)

He met God on a beach in Cape Town.

Homeless, Gavin found himself digging his feet into the sand, while his hands fingered the only possession he owned: a crack pipe. He had the clothes on his back and this one crack pipe.

At 27, he had been a crack addict for 10 years. Most of the people he had shared drugs with were dead; many he had seen take their last breaths before stealing their stash and running out the door.

He listened to the water shifting the sand and then he heard his own voice asking God to show him if he existed.

Gavin got up off that beach, or he stayed there and fell asleep, I am not really sure what happened next.

I do know that a short while later a lady met him and invited him to go to rehab. He had been to rehab more times than most of us make it to gym, but for some reason he said, “Yes, I’ll try one more time.”

He stood, fumbling one of the holes on his dirty t-shirt, in the office of the rehab and let words about how he could not pay fall out his mouth.

He was still speaking when the rehab phone rang.

Silencing him the administrator answered the call. After listening for a short time, she turned to Gavin and said, “It’s for you!”

Gavin took the phone, and a person he had never met – but who knew his name – told him that he would like to pay for his rehab.

That is a mystery. That is God.

I do not mean it was actually God on the other end of the phone asking for Gavin. I know it wasn’t. But to me this mystery has the finger print of a God who is there, who cares about me, a crack-addict, and you, written all over it.

I love how God shows up when we least expect it, and reminds us that we are worth his attention. (tweet this)

My mind cannot comprehend a Being who can gather the wind in the hollow of hands, or wrap the waters in his cloak, and still care enough to give me the grace I need to make it through Monday.

My intellect cannot grasp a Deity that calls the stars in the sky by name, commands the morning, and yet numbers the hairs on my head.

How a God whose eyes shoot the rays of dawn, and whose breath exhales light, cares about the troubles in my life is beyond comprehension.**

A Holy Being who embraces the entire universe in the span between his index finger and thumb. And finds time to sit beside an addict on the beach. Or create rainbows and write love songs just for me.

God is a mystery. At least, he is to me. (tweet this)

Ponder: In what ways is God a mystery to you?

Prayer: God, open my eyes to the mystery of who you are. Meet me today in a way that only you can and surprise me with wonder.

** These are all descriptions of God found in the Bible. Good starting points for such descriptions are: Proverbs 30:4 or Job 40 – 41. Also see Psalms 8:3, 139 and 147.

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When you want to quit believing

2014-11-27T10:08:00.003+02:00

Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!” Immediately a rooster crowed. Matthew 26:74 (NIV)

Believing in God isn't easy.

There are so few moments in my life when I have known beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is real and present in my life.

There are many more times that I've wondered if God cares for me, sees me and loves me.

Sometimes it seems like the mark of a Christian is finding it easy to believe in God, in his existence, in his love.

If the mark of a Christian is belief without faltering, I fall short. (tweet this)

I doubt God all the time. I question God a lot. But I don't think that makes me less of a follower of Jesus.

When I read the bible I find many examples of people just like me, people who doubted, argued and questioned. People who sometimes said out loud, "I don't know who Jesus is!"

Peter, a man who followed Jesus for three years, said the last three times after fleeing the scene of Jesus' arrest. Peter who had spent three years witnessing Jesus heal people still doubted.

And Jesus still called him his own.

I guess what Peter’s story teaches me is that doubt doesn’t mean my relationship with Jesus is over.

I don't think doubt scares Jesus.

And I really like that about him.

Knowing that my doubt doesn’t scare Jesus, keeps me returning to him. (tweet this)

It takes a pretty secure God to love me even when I deny him, question him, yell at him, and doubt that he is always good.

I think sometimes doubt causes me to underestimate love, to underestimate Jesus.

Love is not afraid of doubt.

Love is stronger than questions.

Many doubts cannot quench Love.

Ponder: Does doubt make you feel like less of a Christian?

Prayer: God, thank you that my doubt doesn’t scare you. Help me in my unbelief.

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One way to read the bible (and one thing I've learnt about God by doing this)

2014-11-10T12:30:00.000+02:00

Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God’s way. Timothy 3:16 (MSG)

Almost on a weekly basis I’ll receive an email from a reader asking me how to know if God is speaking to them.

One reader admitted to me,

“I don't know how to read God's word.

I try and read bible chapters on my own, but I don't hear or see God speak from it.

I always pick things I don't understand.

How do you know what and where to read to get help from God?”

Another reader commented: “I struggle about whether God can use everyday things to speak to me/us.”

I connected with what she asked because I’ve had the same questions, I’ve sometimes wondered if Timothy and I were reading the same book.

So I’m going to share a bit, honestly, about how I experience God “speaking” to me.

For starters, there is no right or wrong way to read the bible. This is how I read it but if you prefer another method then stick with that.

I like to read the bible with a notebook so I can jot down any thoughts or impressions that come to mind.

I begin by picking a book of the bible or I read from where I left off before. Sometimes I’ll read just one verse other times a couple of chapters.

If you’re new to reading the bible to hear from God maybe start with Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians or Colossians.

Then I read until I feel God say, "stop". Perhaps the verse resonates with me or it answers a question or prayer I brought to God.

Once I feel “stop” I don’t read any further. I pray and ask God what he is saying to me and I write down whatever thoughts come to mind about the verse.

Often I look at devotionals and commentaries related to the verse. Other times I’ll grab a dictionary and look up each word in the verse or look for other bible verses that speak about the same theme.

If you don’t hear God speak to you at first don’t grow despondent. Keep reading the bible.

Some days I read the bible and nothing speaks to me. I think that’s okay.

Some times I don’t read the bible for days but still see God’s fingerprints in other things. Maybe it will be through a song that I hear, or through a conversation with a friend, or something that I read in a novel.

For me, sometimes God get’s my attention by sharing the same message with me multiple times then I stop and go, “God, what are you trying to tell me?”

Often I find that God will use scripture I’ve memorised to speak to me by bringing it to my memory at just the right time.

One thing I have learnt about God though is that God isn’t confined by technique or limited to how you read the bible.

He is God of mystery and romance.

God will get your attention in a way that is unique and meaningful to you. (tweet this)

God is much bigger than the limitations I put on him.

Ponder: I’d love for you to share techniques that you use to read the bible in the comments. If you try one of the techniques written about here I’d love you to share what God tells you.

Prayer: God, thank you that nothing will ever stop you from getting through to me: not the way I read my bible, the version I read, or how I often I pray.

A Birthday Update

Thank you to everyone who donated to my birthday. Together we managed to fund 3 bicycles for kids who walk more than an hour to school in South Africa. Best. Birthday. Gift. Ever.

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What to remember when God is silent

2014-10-30T07:35:00.000+02:00

But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works. Psalm 73:28 (ESV)

Xylon is having another scan today.

It should just be a routine one. It should just be another clear scan. It should be the second clear scan after 18 chemo sessions, a stem cell transplant and 20 radiation appointments.

But "shoulds” don't hold a lot of weight when it comes to cancer.

Even faith sometimes struggles to make the nagging fears that this part of our story isn’t finished.

Add to all of this the stress of moving house, and town, and renovating. And all of it can feel quite debilitating.

Over the years we've learnt that these scans are stressful times for us. I know I begin snapping for no reason. I know that Xylon and I have less grace for the other. And I know that we'll probably end up arguing about something silly.

I also know that my presence matters during these times. I've learnt there aren't words to say in these days.

I've discovered that sometimes silence and a hug are the best way to say, "I'm with you. We'll get through this."

I don’t say a lot but I’m there.

Sometimes I'll burrow in as close as I can to Xylon and let our hopes and fears tighten around us. Other times, I'll keep myself busy in the lounge or kitchen because I can tell he needs the space and time to process, to be alone.

And all of this has got me thinking about God and his presence in my life.

I sometimes mistake God's silence for his absence. (tweet this)

Sometimes I think God is only present when I can feel him but maybe God is with me all the time.

Maybe when it's quiet it's because God's sitting beside me, sharing the experience that words are inadequate for.

Perhaps God is simply keeping himself busy in the other room but that doesn’t mean he isn’t with me.

What I'm learning is that God is never to far away to hear me say, "Can you come sit with me awhile?"

And sometimes God’s presence is the quiet, silent type that means more than a thousand words. (tweet this)

Ponder: Do you believe that God is always with you even when you can't see, hear or feel him?

Prayer: Thank you for always being near enough to hear my cry.

It’s (almost) my birthday and I need your help

I'm turning 32 on 2 November. And would like to ask you to give at least R32 ($3,20 or 2EUROS) in lieu of a birthday gift to help fund a bicycle for kid who walk 5km or more to school.

I’m blown away that together we’ve funded one and a half bicycles but let’s keep going!

If you’re up for it (and live in South Africa) you can donate here via EFT or credit card.

If you live outside of South Africa and would like to donate please follow this link so you can donate in your own currency and just put “For Wendy’s birthday” in the note box. Or you can donate via paypal: donate@qhubeka.org and put “Wendy’s birthday” as a reference.

If you'd like to know more about how Qhubeka changes lives with bicycles go to http://www.qhubeka.org/

Find out more about why I want to do this here.

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Does diversity matter? I’m #GoingThere

2014-09-11T05:30:00.001+02:00

But God told Samuel, “Looks aren’t everything. Don’t be impressed with his looks and stature. I’ve already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7 (MSG)

I grew up in a country where apartheid wasn’t just a word it was a policy.

I grew up in a country where at 9 years my best friend had skin darker than mine. And we spent our Monday afternoons with a dozen or so kids who spoke a mother tongue that grew out of African soil.

I never knew that my actions, that my families actions, went against the policy of the government. I never knew that by embracing diversity I was breaking some kind of taboo.

In 1994, when I was 11, South Africa had its first democratic elections and became the “rainbow nation”: a group of people with every skin shade and a dozen or so languages embracing each other.

Over a decade later, I met a man who looked nothing like the husband I thought I’d marry. Xylon was dark, where I thought he’d be light. He was short, where I thought he’d be tall.

And he was handsome, kind and full of grace for the people who struggled to see bones covered in white skin and black skin holding hands.

Xylon invited me to join him in pursuing a life that would not be ordinary. A life where I would learn to look past the colour of a persons skin to the colour of their heart.

Recently, I gave Xylon the book of the “Colour of Water” to read and told him how in the book a little boy asks his mother, “What colour is God?” And his mother replies, "He doesn't have a colour… God is the colour of water."

Then last night, he said to me, “If God is the colour of water, than wouldn’t that mean that he sees all of us as the colour of water too?”

I thought about what Xylon said, and about 1 Samuel 16:7, about how our hearts are all the same colour under our diverse skin tones.

And how, if our eyes saw hearts instead of bodies how different our idea of human worth would be. (tweet this)

I know, because of my countries past, because of my past, that diversity is a choice.

Relationships don’t happen by accident, they happen by choice. And if I'm honest right now, my friends all look a lot more like me then they look like my husband. And if it wasn’t for him my world would be pretty vanilla.

I don’t want to live in a world of my own creation. I want to live in a world where I reach out to people who are different from me, who look different, who do different jobs, and who think different things.

I’m praying that God will open my eyes to see hearts. I’m listening when people who are different to me speak. And I’ve decided that to be intentional about pursuing friendships with people who are nothing like me.

And I’m allowing the words of tobyMac to challenge me and change me: My world is diverse, because I wanted it to be, because God placed that in me. If we’re ever going to be the shining city on the hill, we have to be a “diverse city.” I think we’re more beautiful diverse than we are separated and divided.

Ponder: How diverse are your friends and family? What stops you from #GoingThere?

Pray: Lord, give me your eyes to see hearts instead of skin. Give me your ears to listen first and speak second. Help me to be a good friend to people who look nothing like me.

I have friends online who are #GoingThere. Deidra Riggs is a woman you should get to know online, and she’s been #GoingThere for a good long while now. But she’s getting tired. So others are coming alongside her and throwing wide their fears and slips of the heart and extending the conversation. Others like Lisa-Jo, and Jennifer, and Alia, and Kate. And they’re inviting you to go there, too.

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When God does nothing

2014-08-18T05:30:00.000+02:00

For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a person may be weighed down by misery. Ecclesiastes 8:6-7 (NIV)

“I also like it when God does nothing.”

I look at my husband and wonder if all the treatments he’s had for cancer are affecting his brain.

Then Xylon goes onto say, “I like it when God does nothing because sometimes the things I pray for are pretty stupid. If God let them happen my life would be a mess.”

He went on to give an example of a job opportunity that recently fell through. At the time Xylon felt like his dream job had just been denied but a few months later he is so grateful that the job fell through.

His comment made me think about my own life.

God hasn’t answered all my prayers the way I asked. And that is grace. (tweet this)

Normally, I don’t see God’s grace till months, years or even decades later, but then I look back, and I see how God always gave me his best to me.

Honestly, I sometimes find trusting God to do his best is hard but this conversation with my husband made me realise something:

One, even when it feels like God is doing nothing, he is working for my good. (tweet this)

Two, I like it when God does nothing. (tweet this)

Ponder: Can you think of three things you prayed for that never happened that you are thankful for?

Pray: Lord, even when I don’t understand why you don’t do anything, I trust you.

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For the times when you wish you could see God

2014-02-13T05:31:00.000+02:00

Light, space, zest – that’s God. So, with him on my side I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing. Psalm 27:1 (MSG)

I sometimes wish I could see God all around me, that I could see God in light and space? That his presence was something I could almost taste?

I often think that if God’s presence was more tangible I would have less fear?

If I could see God in light and space and zest, would I worry less, and be more certain that God was with me?

I think that all the time.

I especially think it when anxiety begins to creep in, ‘God, if I could only see that you were here, I wouldn’t be afraid.’

The last few weeks have been full of change for me. I’ve changed position at work, my husband quit his job and we’re planning a few months of travelling. It would be fair to see that I’m worrying about the future.

I’ve been reading up on fear in the bible, reminding myself that fear is not from God, praying about how to give that worry back to him, and thinking about how fear rules so many of our lives.

Then I found this verse in Psalms about how to be fearless. And I began to think, I can do this, I don’t need to let fear rule my life.

This verse in Psalms says God is light, space, zest.

If God is light than I have a tangible reminder that God is always there.

I can flick a switch and see my God. (tweet this)

I love that God is light because even in the dark I can turn on a light, spark a match or know that the moon shines even when I can’t see it.

I know that light always pushes back darkness, always shoves out fear.

Then I read that God is space.

And space is all around me, stuffed into gaps and openings and time, covering earth and the universe and the cosmos. Suddenly it makes a lot more sense how God can be bigger than anything we fear.

But my favourite part of the verse is that God is zest. God is in our love of life. God is the flavouring we add to our lives.

Enthusiasm, keenness, gusto, relish, passion – that’s our God. That doesn’t sound anything like fear.

Tang, piquancy, bite, spice, taste – that’s our God. That doesn’t taste like fear.

I don’t know about you but often when I feel fear I sense it. My mouth goes dry, my stomach flips, my hands shake and I don’t see things properly, which is why I love that God is light, space and zest.

I can be fearless because I can see, feel and taste God is with us.

Light, space and zest are all around us. So is God. (tweet this)

Next time I feel afraid, I’m going to look around me, and see God in the sunlight, the air I breathe and the taste of my food.

Ponder: How do you think seeing God all around you will help you to be fearless?

Prayer: Thank you, Lord that you are all around me. Help me to see you in light, space and zest. Show me tangibly that you’re on my side and I don’t need to be afraid.

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Photo Credit (Creative Commons): ALL: "The Wanderer's Eye Photography"| Design: Wendy van Eyck

Letting things go and learning to forgive (or the story of forgiving my father and mother)

2014-01-23T09:58:00.000+02:00

If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that’s why you’re worshiped. Psalm 130:3-4 (MSG)

Just after I joined twitter I saw Leslie Leyland Fields ask the question, “Does anyone have a story of a time they needed to forgive their parents?”

I hesitated.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to share the story then. Part of me isn’t sure I want to share the story now.

The book Leslie interviewed me for released this week. It’s called Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers. It’s a book about relationships and respect and the messiness of forgiving our parents.

I worry about hurting the people that gave birth to me in the retelling of the story. I stumble over how to tell the story with truth and respect and love.

This morning I said to my husband, “I don’t want to write this post, but I have to, because sometimes it’s the things that are hardest to write that others most need to hear.”

I’ve always known that my parents love me and only want the best for me. Which is why years before I met the man I married I sat down and shared a list of character traits with my parents that I hoped my future husband would have.

I asked them to help me see through the blindness of love, to look for character over a good-looking face.

A few years later I bought Xylon home, a man who to a greater or lesser extent ticked every box on my character list. He bravely told my father he would like to marry me one day.

My parents confessed to me a week or so later that they thought I should marry someone of the same skin colour and culture as me.

I was confused.

I loved my parents and they loved me. I’d been brought up in a home where people of many races and languages had come in and out the door like family and now they were saying it wasn’t okay for me to marry someone different from us.

Xylon and I broke up.

I felt the best way to honour my parents at the time was to take a step back from the relationship, to disentangle myself from feelings so I could try and see the situation from their perspective.

My mother and father had grown up in different world to me. I didn't see that as an excuse but I did realise that the lens they viewed the world with was different to mine. I prayed. I fasted. I talked through it with couples who had mixed skin colours and couples who had skin that matched.

After eight months I felt like I had moved to the point where I felt that sometimes you can honour your parents and disagree with what they think.

I told my parents if Xylon still wanted to pursue a relationship with me I would do it. I remember standing on the grass in front of the house with tears rolling down my face. The salt licking the wounds on my soul and telling my father that I loved him but I didn’t agree with him. I also told my parents that I forgive them.

I never really felt unforgiveness towards my mother and father but somehow standing there that day I saw that there was potential for bitterness to grow in the future.

I wanted to have a good relationship with my parents. In fact I wanted more than anything for my relationship to be healed.

Two years later my father walked me down the aisle to my husband under a canopy of trees dripping rain.

Eight months after that my parents helped us through my husband’s cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment.

I can’t imagine our lives without my parents support, but without forgiveness our relationship would have been ruined. I hurt my parents and my parents hurt me but we chose to forgive and move on and build a stronger relationship.

I think we managed to do this because my parents had learnt to practice forgiveness in their lives.

They had taught me as a child to forgive and not hold onto pain, to use forgiveness as a reflex when I was hurt, not to justify the other persons actions but to free myself from those actions.

There’s a verse in the bible that speaks about how forgiveness is God’s habit.

I like that. I imagine God wearing forgiveness like a nun. Walking around with it cloaking his very being.

It also makes me think of God forgiving the same way I absentmindly comb my hair back behind my ears.

God’s very essence is forgiveness. (tweet this)

Forgiving can be hard but I’ve found that when practice forgiving quickly, when I forgive rather than hold onto my anger or pain or confusion it can become a habit, a habit that gives me the chance to find healing and hope.

Ponder: Do you struggle with unforgiveness towards your parents? Please share your stories of forgiving others in the comments to encourage others.

Prayer: Lord, I want forgiveness to be my habit. Help me to let go of bitterness and forgive like a reflex. Amen

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Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Blossom Bhumika.B Fabric shaire productions & Wall Background Tal Bright | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Does it feel like God’s love has failed you?

2013-12-19T10:25:00.001+02:00

God remembered us when we were down, His love never quits. Rescued us from the trampling boot, His love never quits. Takes care of everyone in time of need. His love never quits. Thank God, who did it all! His love never quits! Psalm 136:23-26 (MSG)

Sometimes in my life, it has looked like God's love has failed: my husband’s cancer diagnosis, for instance, or when a car knocked down my brother’s best friend and he died from his injuries.

It looked like God’s love quit on the day my friends were told, after three dead babies, that by a fluke of nature, they both carried something in their genes that meant their children would never live more than a day or two.

On days like those, it looks a lot like God’s love has walked out on me and the people I love.

When I read Psalm 136, I think the people involved must have sometimes felt like God’s love had quit, too.

It says, “The God who struck down the Egyptian firstborn. His love never quits.”

Where is God’s love in this verse? I’m pretty sure the Egyptians, and those that took care of the Egyptian first-born children (most probably Israelites), must have felt like Gods’ love failed them.

When I read, “The God who marched his people through the desert. His love never quits.” The Bible says they walked around for forty years in circles. I'm pretty sure that at some point someone started wondering, “God, where is the love?”

Through the recounting of all these bad things, this Psalm tells me, not just once but 26 times, that God’s love never fails.

God’s love never quits. (tweet this)

In fact, it takes it one step further and says, “Thank God, who did it all! His love never quits!”

This chapter asks me to believe that God’s love never quits, and it tells me to thank God even when it feels like his love has failed.

The Bible tells me to offer God thanks when my husband is diagnosed with cancer, when my brother’s best friend dies, and when my friends are faced with infertility.

Really? Am I meant to say then: “Thank you that your love never quits.” I think that is what the Psalmist is saying.

I think this Psalm is reminding me that when the storm rages, when my worlds’ are crumbling, when life sucks, I don’t have to be afraid because I can know that God loves me. (tweet this)

I can know in hard times that God is working ALL things out in love. (tweet this)

This Psalm recalls the story of the Israelites. It is a story of great pain, great suffering, and great love. God showed up time and time again in their time of need.

Their lives weren’t easy, but it is plain to see that God loved them.

Interestingly, this Psalm wasn’t written in the midst of their struggles but penned hundreds of years later with the benefit of hindsight.

I can’t always see God’s love in my life, especially when I’m going through hard things, but that doesn’t mean it has ever quit.

The more I read this Psalm the more I comprehend that God is whispering the same thing to my heart.

In my life there may be many hard times but my life also speaks of God’s great love. (tweet this)

In my time of need, I can bet on the fact that God will show up time and time again. My life won’t be perfect, but it will be plain to see that God’s love has never failed.

And when I look back, with the benefit of hindsight, I will see that God’s love NEVER QUIT.

Ponder: Are you in a situation where it feels like God’s love has quit on you? Imagine looking back on this situation in 100 years where would you be able to see God’s love in what you are going through?

Prayer: Thank you God that your love has never failed me. When my circumstances tell me your love has failed me, I know that you haven’t. I believe you remember me when I am down. I am grateful that you take care of me always. I rest in your promise that your love never quits. Amen.

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Photo Credits : Shell visualpanic Wave Kevin N. Murphy & Heart TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³ | Design: Wendy van Eyck

When God makes something out of pain

2013-12-16T05:00:00.000+02:00

In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born," says the Lord. "If I cause you the pain, I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation," says your God. Isaiah 66:9 (NCV)

On my desk, a little cactus grows. It has tiny red flowers that blossom despite the stony ground or infrequent watering.

Her gift is a simple reminder that even in the midst of tough circumstances life and beauty can grow.

That cactus has become a symbol to me, a picture of that promise: living proof that God births new and good things out of the painfulness in our lives. (tweet this)

Each time a new bud appears amidst tiny thorns, I am reminded that life flourishes in unlikely places and that a God who creates good things can beat the odds and create something beautiful in harsh environments.

Sometimes life can feel very painful and sore. It can feel like our souls have been rubbed against a lemon zester.

At times like those, I’m comforted by God's promise, “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born," says the Lord. "If I cause you the pain, I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation."

My friend gave birth to a boy on my birthday.

I wanted to know how he came into the world 15 minutes before midnight. My friend told me that her labour was going well until her son became stuck in the birth canal.

The final labour, which should have taken about 40 minutes, took two hours.

In the middle of this, her midwife stayed beside her. She stuck with my friend, she called the gynae, and she spoke my friend through her options.

Through all this, the contractions kept coming but no baby appeared.

The midwife tried this and tried that, and after a lot of pain, a new life came into the world.

My friend's midwife reminded me of God. God stays with me in my pain, he helps with the birthing process, and he finds a way for life to flourish.

I know if you’re struggling with pain, suffering, or hardships in your life, Isaiah 66:9 can seem like putting ice on a broken bone. You may still have an ache, but this promise from God does breathe hope into hard situations.

Some days hope is all you need to see tomorrow. (tweet this)

Knowing that God will birth a new thing, I believe a good thing, out of all the pain and fear and uncertainty in our lives allows us to see past the thorns and glimpse a little bit of what God may see, a slice of a future filled with good things that he has for me and for you.

When I feel like giving up, I glance at the little cactus on my desk, and I whisper a prayer that God will help me see the new things pain births.

Ponder: Would it change the way you view your current circumstances if you realized that God can use them to do something new?

Prayer: God, help me to see the new things that you are birthing out of my pain. Amen. (tweet this)

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Photo Credits : Wood miuenski Fossil A Guy Taking Pictures & Flower harold.lloyd | Design: Wendy van Eyck

For the days when worry clouds your vision

2013-11-28T09:27:00.001+02:00

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 (MSG)

My husband and I climbed in his car.

We were barely out the drive when he pointed to a mess on the windscreen.

“I’m so annoyed with myself that I didn’t get the bird poop cleaned off the windscreen.”

A few minutes later we arrived at our destination. We ate dinner together and then headed back to the car in pouring rain.

We were minutes from home when Xylon pointed at the spot that had been dirty before.

I watched as the rain washed the windscreen clean and my husband said,

“We really shouldn’t worry about anything because God takes care of everything.” (tweet this)

He wasn’t just talking about worrying about a bit of bird poop on the windscreen.

He was talking about all the big and small things we worry about on a daily basis:

Will this cancer treatment work?
How am I going to get this work done?
Will medical aid pay these bills?
How will my boss react to this question?

I love what Philippians says about what happens when we let God know our concerns:

Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness,

everything coming together for good,

will come and settle you down.

It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (tweet this)

As we watched the rain wash away the last of the dirt I thought about how letting Christ displace worry in my life let’s my soul settle down.

The bible makes it so simple.

Instead of worrying, pray. (tweet this)

Even when you don’t think of praying God is still there. My husband and I didn’t think of praying about some bird poop being washed off the windscreen but God still took care of it.

This example of dirt on the windscreen seems trivial but that’s the point. If God cares enough to fix a small problem like that, then why do I waste even a moment stressing that he won’t come through on big things?

Ponder: Make a list of the things you are worrying about now. Then instead of worrying about those things start praying about them.

Prayer: Lord, you know all the things I’m worried about. And you know how to fix them. Please come displace worry at the center of my life with Christ. Amen.

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Photo Credits : Windscreen Jaako Sky jenny downing & Grass Jason A. Samfield | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Is there a way to know if God cares about me?

2013-11-25T10:48:00.000+02:00

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, “God has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”?

Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. Isaiah 40:27-28 (MSG)

I have been troubled this last week. I really thought, after the stem cell transplant, all this cancer stuff would be behind us.

Discovering my husband still has active spots of cancer hurts.

It hurts on so many levels. There is an ache because he has to go through more treatment. It stings because I wanted God to have healed him.

And it hurts because in some ways it feels like God doesn’t care.

I’ve realised in the last week that at some point in my life I have come to equate God caring with doing what I want.

If it was a sum it would look like this:

My want + My outcome = God Cares

I’ve never really been that good at Maths but I recognised this last week that something doesn’t add up with that sum.

I’m not really sure where I got that idea. It’s not something I’ve been taught but it’s something my heart has believed.

My heart has believed a lie. And my lie has made God small. (tweet this)

My fib tried to make God fit inside a small box drawn by my wants and outcomes.

Isaiah spoke truth to my heart this week.

Why would you ever complain, Wendy, or, whine, saying, “God has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”?

After reading that I wondered how I could ever think that God could be contained inside the boundaries of my wants and outcomes?

How could I ever think that God should be limited to what I can see or imagine? (tweet this)

And what ever made me think that God only cares about me when he does what I want?

If there were a formula to knowing if God cares I think this verse would put it like this:

His consistency + His Presence = God Cares (tweet this)

That sum doesn’t make God small. It doesn’t try and limit God to what I think his care looks like. It gives God space to create and act in my life.

It is the kind of care that lasts.

It's the kind of care that goes beyond anything I can see or imagine.

Do I want a small God who does what I want? Or do I want a big God who cares enough about me to offer his consistent presence from the beginning of time to the end?

I know my answer.

Ponder: How would you answer this question: Do I want a small God who does what I want? Or do I want a big God who cares enough about me to offer his consistent presence from the beginning of time to the end? Why?

Prayer: Thank you for being a God whose care lasts. Amen.

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Photo Credits : Chalk John-Morgan Heart s tevefaeembra & Frames Our United Villages | Design: Wendy van Eyck

For everyone longing to be found (or imagine bumping into God on one of the worst days of your life)

2013-11-14T06:19:00.000+02:00

This is the way God put it:

“They found grace out in the desert, these people who survived the killing. Israel, out looking for a place to rest, God out looking for them!” Jeremiah 31:2 (MSG)

I don’t really want to write this. I don’t want to write about hearing for the third time that my husband has cancer.

I had hoped to be tapping out words about how he was healed, how we could go on with life, how the cancer was gone.

The reality is different.

On Monday after waiting for results all weekend we were told that there are two active nodes that will need radiation.

I sat there numb. I’ve heard bad news too often the last two years to react with much more then a “What do we next?”

Turns out the next thing is radiation for a month.

So we’re stumbling back into the world of cancer treatment. I’ve felt more restless this time. I’ve felt more like I’m walking into a wilderness.

This time I’ve been angry with God. I’ve asked God when this will all end, if we’ll ever sit in an oncologist’s room and hear good news?

And God replied.

He didn’t speak to me, so I can’t tell you what his voice sounds like. And God didn’t speak to my husband.

Rather he woke up someone I’ve never met. She wrote that God told her in the middle of the night to tell us that he loves us.

As I read her words - out in my cancer desert - I found grace, I found God out looking for me.

I was out looking for a place to rest, but God knew I’d only find rest in him. (tweet this)

I find it fascinating that Jeremiah 31:2 says that the one’s who found grace were not only those out in the desert, but those who survived something that sought to kill them.

I love the idea of God wondering around in the desert seeking out these hungry, wounded, hopeless people.

Imagine bumping into God in a desert?

It’s hard to envisage a desert with God there because with a command he can bring forth water and create shade.

God can bring life into a desert.

God can bring life into the worst scenario of your life.

That’s how what I remembered after God woke up a lady to tell us that he loves us.

God didn’t wait for me to be still enough to hear his voice he just woke someone else up and said, “Tell those kids that I love them.”

God came looking for me. (tweet this)

Imagine bumping into God on one of the worst days of your life? (tweet this)

It leaves me with such a sense of wonder, that God seeks me out when I don’t have the strength to find him on my own.

Ponder: Can you recall a time in your life when God came looking for you?

Prayer: God, I’m in awe that you would come looking for me. Thank you for reminding me that you love me.

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Photo Credits : Camel HISHAM BINSUWAIF Cactus Al_HikesAZ & Sand Dune Pablo Arroyo | Design: Wendy van Eyck

This is for those who wait

2013-11-11T05:40:00.000+02:00

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. Lamentations 3:25 (MSG)

I’m not good at waiting.

Neither is my husband.

He starts dreaming of a different life. I just try to continue with life as if nothing has changed.

Yet, no matter whether we receive positive or negative results from the PET scan tests things will change.

Dreaming and denial don’t change outcomes; they just help relieve the stress.

From time-to-time in these days of waiting I’ll pick up my bible. I’ll flick it open to one of the passages I’ve highlighted with a pink tag, the markers that I put there in the first dark days following my husbands’ cancer diagnosis. I’ll read the verses that whisper if you open here you’ll find a reminder of God’s love for you when it’s hard to feel his presence.

I thumbed my way to one of these pink tags the other day, and read the verse about how God’s love never runs out, but it was the verses that followed that made my heart pump hope.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.

I found comfort in Lamentations 3:25 because I’ve experienced God’s goodness in my life so I know that God is absolutely good.

In 1907 a writer by the name of Marcus Dods described God’s goodness in a way I like,

“God is good in himself, good in all things and good at all times.” (tweet this)

When I remember God is good, I find it easier to trust him. (tweet this)

I don’t worry that a good God won’t come through for me. I am reminded of all the times in my life when God has shown me tenderhearted mercy. Unending love. Grace.

Goodness.

God is good.

God is for me.

God will never leave me, hurt me or let me down.

I can depend on the goodness of God. (tweet this)

I can rely on God’s goodness when things are going my way and when they are not. I can hope in his goodness if the medical results of positive or negative.

So I wait, I wait to see what my good God will do next.

This doesn’t mean the results will be good – or what I want – only that I can trust God will be good in every situation where I am waiting for an answer.

Ponder: Do you believe that God is good?

Prayer: Lord, show me your goodness while I wait. Amen.

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Photo Credits : Guitar in grass wakalani Grass with blue sky Khánh Hmoong & Grass Vermin Inc | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Can I put my confidence in God?

2013-09-02T05:30:00.000+02:00

If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, For He is not able to deny Himself. 2 Timothy 2:13 (VOICE)

Sometimes it is hard to have confidence in God.

It can be hard to believe that God is really working all things out for my good. Especially when the all things involve stuff like cancer.

When I’m falling to sleep at night, and praying that my husband’s next scan will cancer free, it is sometimes hard to believe that God wants what is best for us.

Especially when deep down I want “what’s best for us” to only be interpreted as “cancer free”.

On nights when I question God, when I wonder if God cares, when I ponder if he interprets “best for us” the way I do, I find verses like 2 Timothy 2:13 comfort me.

They remind me that there will be times when I wonder whether God knows what he is doing, and there will be moments when I wonder why we go through hard things, but that through all of it God will never give up on me.

God will never lose confidence in me. (tweet this)

God remains faithful to me even when I do not believe he is.

Faithful is kind of an old fashioned word but I can’t think of better word to ascribe to God

when I’m wondering whether he is worth trusting with all things.

I like that this verse uses the word faithful. I like it because it reminds me that God is trustworthy, dependable and reliable. And that even when I falter – when I stumble over my beliefs – God remains committed, true and constant.

Perhaps this is because so often I think that God is moody, that he changes his behavior based on how he feels. Then I read a verse like this and I’m reminded that his character is more robust than my faith.

My faith doesn’t alter God’s character. Or rather my disbelief doesn’t change who God is. (tweet this)

God is faithful, even when I wonder if I should have confidence in him.

It is right when I remember this that find my faith again, that I find the words to pray with hope again, that I can believe that God is working all things for my good. Even stuff like cancer.

Ponder: Do you ever struggle to put your confidence in God? What helps you to believe that he is faithful and worthy of your trust?

Pray: Lord Jesus, thank you that you are faithful even when I struggle with disbelief. Amen

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Photo Credits : Angkor Wat trees: EmmaJG | Design: Wendy van Eyck

What are you afraid of?

2013-08-26T06:00:00.000+02:00

I, I’m the One comforting you, What are you afraid of – or who? Some man or woman who’ll soon be dead? Some poor wretch destined for dust? You’ve forgotten me, God, who made you, who unfurled the skies, who founded the earth. Isaiah 51: 12-13 (MSG)

I am afraid of confrontation.

I know that confronting a small thing when it occurs is better than facing off about a big thing further down the line.

This last month I forgot this and I ended up in a situation where I was feeling used and abused and alone.

After another episode of being treated badly I yelled at my computer in frustration and then burst into tears.

My poor husband has heard me ranting about the situation for weeks. While I stood there wiping tears away he told me to quit.

He told me I needed to stand up for myself and if it meant that I lost the contract we’d find another way to make ends meet.

And I knew: this man had my back.

I’d forgotten that I wasn’t alone and that I didn’t need to solve this problem on my own.

Later in the day I thought about what had happened and about how I do the same thing with God.

I forget that God has my back. (tweet this)

I think that’s why God included verses like Isaiah 51:12 – 14 in the bible, little reminders that he is bigger than all our problems.

Cues that most of my worries are tiny compared to a God who made me, unfurled the skies, and founded the earth.

When I put it like that I wonder why I would ever think that God didn’t have my back? Why I would stress for even one moment that if I stand up for myself God won’t back me up.

My problems are nothing compared to crafting a human, or flinging stars, or speaking a planet into being but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t care.

As long as I remember God has my back, all my fears seem tiny. (tweet this)

Even confrontation doesn’t seem so scary when I remember that God is standing right behind me saying,

“I’ve got this. No matter what happens, I’ve got your back.” (tweet this)

Ponder: Do you ever feel like no one has your back? How do you feel about the idea that God has your back?

Prayer: Lord, thank you that I don’t need to be afraid because you are with me. Amen.

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Photo Credits: Baby's foot: Adrian Dreßler Dandelion: ecstaticist Lock: david.nikonvscanon All found via photopin cc | Design: Wendy van Eyck

What Do You Do When Your Circumstances Seem Bigger Than God?

2013-03-04T05:55:00.000+02:00

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33 (NLT)

What big things are going on in your life right now?

Have you recently:

been kicked out of your home?
Lost a job?
Miscarried?
Held the hand of a loved one while they took their last breath?
Gone for surgery?
___________?

I’ve got a lot of big things happening my life right now.

My husband is starting chemo for the second time in a year today.

My brother is having a 3-5 hour operation to remove a 30cm section of his intestine today.

In fact both things are happening at the same hospital, at the same time.

These are big things. Just one of these things happening at a time would be a big thing.

In addition my grandfather passed away a few weeks ago.

If I allow myself to sit and think about all the big things my family is dealing with right now it is easy for me to begin to think that my circumstances are bigger than God.

It gets harder and harder to see God’s presence because all the difficult things ask for attention, time and energy.

Often the urgency of these hard things makes them bigger and bigger in our lives until it’s hard to see God.

photo credit: lrargerich via photopin cc | Design: Wendy van Eyck

It is easy to begin believing that God isn’t in control of everything when there are lots of big things happening at once.

To be honest I sometimes think it would be easier to believe God was out of control than wondering how God allows death, cancer and chronic illness and other hardships.

In hard times God can seem so distant, so far away, such an out of touch father.

Other times God can feel so close it is like he is holding you, propping you up and helping you walk through the hard things.

When my problems become so big that they begin to make God look small in my eyes, I remind myself that Jesus told us there would be many trials and sorrows but that we could have peace in him because he has overcome all these hard things.

When I remember God has overcome I begin to see my problems in their proper perspective. I start to notice that these hard things could not overcome my God.

Have death, or cancer or chronic illness or any other hard thing ever overcome our God?

When I start thinking of it that way these big things I’ve been allowing to cloud out my vision of God begin to look very small.

All of our big things are small things to God. (<-- Tweet this)

When I remember this it doesn’t make the big things disappear but it does put them in their proper perspective.

It reminds that my problems are really small things.

Jesus can overcome anything. (<-- Tweet this)

Even in the midst of trials and sorrows we can find peace in Jesus if we remember how much bigger than our problems he is.

What big thing are you facing in your life right now?

A prayer for you if your circumstances are feeling bigger than God:

photo credit: SixRevisions via photopin cc | Design & words: Wendy van Eyck

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God Never Kicks You When You're Down

2013-02-25T10:44:00.000+02:00

You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. Job 11:18 (NIV)

photo: seyed mostafa zamani via photopin cc | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Ever experienced a moment when you realize your hope isn’t in God?

I experienced that last week.

I was angry. I wanted to hit someone and at least yell at someone on the phone.

The medical aid had sent a letter to say they would not be paying for the chemotherapy treatment that my husband needed.

I felt like the medical aid were killing my husband and I was not happy.

It felt a lot like being kicked when you’re already down.

Isn’t having a husband with cancer bad enough? Let alone having the medication he needs turned down.*

I thought of Job in those moments. I thought of how it must of felt to just have everything ripped away from you and then get sick on top of that.

To be honest thinking of Job made me feel a little better because my life wasn’t that bad.

It also made me realize that my hope was misplaced.

I’d been hoping in chemotherapy to heal my husband. Instead of putting my hope in God to do the best for me.

When I realized that it felt like I’d been kicked again.

I thought of the friends that came and counseled Job in his misery, how one of them told him, “You will be secure, because there is hope”.

I wondered how I’d misplaced my hope, how I’d put it in something man does and not in God.

I’d felt so secure when I knew that my husband could have chemotherapy with a 80% positive outcome. It felt easy to have confidence in God then.

Then it was all ripped away. The crutch that I’d be calling hope was removed and I realized that I’d been leaning on medicine and not on God.

False hope kicks us when we're down, Hope in God reaches out and lifts us up. (<-- Click here to tweet this)

I prayed right there, that God would help me to put my hope in him and not in man. That God would teach me to place my confidence in him especially when trusting God is harder than hoping in what I can see.

It was hard to pray those words. Hard to give up my hope in medicine but what peace came with putting my husband and myself back in his hands.

I think some days that’s all God wants from us.

The Lord just wants us to have a quiet confidence in his promises even when we don’t feel like they can be true.

God doesn’t want a declaration that everything will be okay or that it’s not hard. (<-- Click here to tweet this)

God just wants us to believe that he can when we are sure that we can’t.

The Lord wants us be secure in him and find our hope in him.

When we do we’ll discover the safest place is in God's arms.

We’ll also discover that when we hope in God it never feels like we’ve been kicked when we’re down.

Is there an area of your life where you’ve been putting your hope in something else instead of God? If not, please pray this:

Lord Jesus, help me to put my hope in you and nowhere else. Show me how to place my confidence in you instead of what I can see. As I put my hope in you God please give me a peace in my heart that no matter what happens in your arms I am safe.

* For those of you following my husbands story. We contacted the medical aid the next day and they said the letter was a mistake and his treatment was approved.

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Does Your Relationship Status Define Your Life?

2013-02-14T07:52:00.003+02:00

And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. 1 Corinthians 7:17a (MSG)

I stumbled across a friends profile on Twitter the other day.

I hadn’t seen her for 10 years so was interested to see what she was up to.

What I didn’t expect was that in her twitter profile she’d put:
…Married…

What?

Married?

I wasn’t surprised that she was married I was surprised that she wore it as a status symbol.

There is so much more to life than a relationship status. (<-- click here to tweet this)

There is so much more to live for than whether or not you have a ring on your finger.

I think too often we make things that aren’t really that important our focus.

Relationships are one of those things we often do that too.

1 Corinthians 7:17 is a verse that I’ve read almost daily for years - when I was single, dating or married.

It is a reminder not to put small things (like relationships) in the place where the big things (like living, obeying, loving and believing) should be.

If you allow it to, this verse will remind you, that no matter where you are or who you are with, you are exactly where God wants you and in the best place for him to use you.

If you are having a tough day today write this verse down, put it in your pocket and read it every chance you get.

Then talk to God and ask him to show you how he would like you to live, obey, love and show your belief in him right now, where you are, with the people around you.

I think that what God really wants from us – married, single, divorced or in-between – is to be content with where we are and who we’re with.

The key is to let God - not your marital status - define you. (<-- click here to tweet this)

Single? Married? Divorced? In-between? Who cares! God not your marital status defines your life.

Prayer: God, sometimes I wish I was someplace else or with someone else but I’m realising that where I am right now is where you want me. Lord, show me how to live and obey and love and believe right here. Thank you God, that you - not my marital status - define my life.

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Anxiety & Zest & God (Or How To Be Fearless)

2013-01-24T05:34:00.000+02:00

Light, space, zest – that’s God. So, with him on my side I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing. Psalm 27:1 (MSG)

Photo: Thomas Tolkien via photopin cc | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Don’t you sometimes wish that you could see God all around you, that you could see God in light and space? That His presence was something you could almost taste?

Do you ever think that if you could see and do these things you’d have less fear?

If you could see God in light and space and zest, would you worry less, and be more certain that God was with you?

I think that all the time.

I especially think it when anxiety begins to creep in, ‘God, if I could only see that you were here, I wouldn’t be afraid.’

Today my husband goes for his third scan post chemotherapy for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and I’m afraid.

Fearful for the results. Scared of hearing the lymph nodes are enlarged. Terrified we’ll have all our dreams for this year shattered. Again.

I’ve been reading up on fear in the bible, reminding myself that fear is not from God, praying about how to give that worry back to him, and thinking about how fear rules so many of our lives.

Then I found this verse in Psalms about how to be fearless. And I began to think, I can do this, I don’t need to let fear rule my life.

This verse in Psalms says God is light, space, zest.

If God is light than I have a tangible reminder that God is always there.

I can flick a switch and see my God. (<-- click here to tweet this)

I love that God is light because even in the dark I can turn on a light, spark a match or know that the moon shines even when I can’t see it.

I know that light always pushes back darkness, always shoves out fear.

Then I read that God is space.

And space is all around me, stuffed into gaps and openings and time, covering earth and the universe and the cosmos. Suddenly it makes a lot more sense how God can be bigger than anything we fear.

But my favourite part of the verse is that God is zest. God is in our love of life. God is the flavouring we add to our lives.

Enthusiasm, keenness, gusto, relish, passion – that’s our God. That doesn’t sound anything like fear.

Tang, piquancy, bite, spice, taste – that’s our God. That doesn’t taste like fear.

We can be fearless because we can see, feel and taste God is with us.

Light, space and zest are all around us. So is God. (<-- click here to tweet this)

Next time you feel afraid, look around you, and see God in the sunlight, the air you breathe and the taste of your food.

Little reminders that God is with you and you don’t need to be afraid of no one and nothing.

How do you think seeing God all around you will help you to be fearless?

Prayer: Thank you, Lord that you are all around us. Help me to see you in light, space and zest. Show me tangibly that you’re on my side and I don’t need to be afraid. Amen.

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Ever Wondered Why Birds Fly?

2012-12-20T05:08:00.000+02:00

{A Guest Devotional by Simon van Heerden}

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor gather into barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:25-26 (ESV)

Photo: Creationswap.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

It seems that the birds are having all of this scripture as they soar, and sing, and majestically carry on through life.

I wish I could be like a bird with no worries or cares, but I’m not, and that’s life.

I don’t know about you but sometimes just stopping and thinking becomes too stressful because when you stop and think about “A” - the alphabet thinks it’s a royal gathering - and soon you are thinking about “B” and “C” and “D” and “F” and “G”.

I cannot help but sit and wonder what it would be like to not worry, to sit and float along knowing that today is today, and everything that matters is right here. A life of no worry or bills: Man, if only!

It happens for 2 seconds then the boss walks in, or the phone rings, and I just get sucked straight back into life, and the dream seems like an imaginary friend from childhood.

There must be something more than all of this rush and busyness.

If only we could be birds and learn to fly?

God clearly says in Matthew 6:26 that we are more precious than the birds of the air, and he takes care of them, so why don’t we trust him to take care of us?

It hit me pretty hard the other day when I thought about faith that it is possible to learn to fly.

I guess to truly get our wings and fly we need to put our faith in God.

Not just any faith but every single drop of faith that we can possible give, because until we get to that point we will never truly soar and have the abundant life that God has promised us.

What is our faith like towards God? Do we have enough faith in him? Are we even prepared to put our faith in him? How do you think your life would look different if you did?

{About the author of this guest devotional}

Simon Van Heerden has a keen passion for nature, absolutely loves sports and enjoys being outdoors. He keeps trying to push the limits and become the greatest person he can be by doing his best to inspire those around him to be great. And lastly, he loves taking long walks on the beach. You can find him on twitter: @SimonVanHeerden