I Love Devotionals by Wendy van Eyck

What I did when I felt like my life wasn't enough

2017-09-29T06:00:00.000+02:00

In April, I quit my job. In May, I quit using social media apps on my phone.

I didn’t expect the anxiety deleting my social media apps would cause.

I wrote about my journey to what I call now digital minimalism on iBelieve.com this week. I want to share something here about it that I didn’t share in the post on iBelieve.

I loved going on Instagram before I deleted the social media apps. If you’d asked, I would have told you it was my favourite social app. I found the pictures soothing and enjoyed quick glimpses into my friends and families lives.

After deleting the apps, I’d go on Instagram from time to time and scroll through the pics. I started to recognise a feeling I hadn’t expected each time I opened it: discontent.

I’d scroll through a few pictures and feel so discontent with my life. I’d see pictures of people travelling and wish it could be me. I’d look at friends spending time together and wonder why I wasn’t there. Photos of meals I’d love to eat, pictures of places I’d love to run through…The list was endless.

I would close the app and sit there feeling like my life isn’t enough.

I didn’t like feeling that way. One day after opening and quickly closing the app after the bubbles of discontent floated up I sat and thought about what was happening. Was I really discontent with my life? Were these feelings real or were they a reaction to using the app?

I thought about how I felt before I went on Instagram.

I felt like I had the best life.

I loved my life.

It felt full.

My life felt enough.

I felt content with my life.

I go on Instagram less and less. Before I quit using social apps on my phone, it was a couple of times a day. After, it was once a week, then once a fortnight and now I can’t remember the last time I went on.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the last few months. And I keep coming back to this verse Psalm 16:11 (Voice),

Instead, You direct me on the path that leads to a beautiful life. As I walk with You, the pleasures are never-ending, and I know true joy and contentment.

Part of me has wondered if choosing to stay off Instagram is the coward’s way of learning to be content in every situation.

This verse helped me realise that we can choose contentment. That is what the “Instead” signifies to me. “Instead” means to do something in preference of something else. It means I can choose going outside over going online.

Instead, has become a powerful word for me as I pursue digital minimalism in my life.

I could feel discontentinsteadI thank God for everything he has given me.

I could feel aloneinstead I remember God is Emmanuel (God with us).

I could feel worriedinsteadI look at the Sparrows and wonder at how God takes care of them and me.

I chose this translation of Psalm 16:11 because it reminds me that when I choose to look to God instead of dwelling on my feelings, my actions lead me toward a beautiful life of true contentment.

Some translations write this verse as “In your presence is fullness of joy”. Isn’t that a great description of contentment?

Want to read more of my story about what happened when I deleted all the social media apps from my phone? Click here to read the full story on iBelieve.com

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{You might also like these posts}

When everyone else seems to have a better life than you, read this

How to make peace with the ordinary in your extraordinary life

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In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

When someone makes you feel worthless, remember this

2016-09-26T05:30:00.000+02:00

Genesis 1:31 records after God created man, God looked over everything he had made and said, “it was so good, so very good!” In the Psalms we are told how God knit us together in our mothers wombs, how we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Think about that for a minute. Think about the intimacy of God in your mother’s womb, forming and shaping you, and then pausing and saying, "That is good work! I've made [fill in your name] well."

In the beginning God made you well. {Tweet This!}

Since my nephew was born with Down Syndrome I think about this often. It is easy to think that God made a mistake, but I think when God formed my nephew he looked at Noah and saw a man made well.

The more I think about this, the more my ideas about what it means to be made well – shaped in God's image – are challenged. Is Noah any less a reflection of God than me?

I'm realising many of my thoughts about these things are more about my understanding of “good” or “well”. And often that understanding has led to me believing that “good” or “well” are simply synonyms for perfect.

This week my friend Nelet wrote this:

There are few words to verbalise what I feel right now.

Astonished.

At peoples ignorance. At peoples lack of respect. At peoples ability to make someone feel so worthless.

I stutter. That's it. Nothing major. It’s like some people have curly hair. Others have red hair. Some have long legs. I stutter.

I've been stuttering for as long as I can remember. I don't know why, and no, speech therapy didn't help. I gave up speech therapy at the age of 12 and never looked back.

This is me: made by God.

I'm not perfect but I know how I was made: I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I know what my body can do and I suspect God made me with a stutter to teach me patience, because – eish, I have none of that.

The beautiful thing is I like who I am: my strong legs. My stutter, my ability to go into survival mode when crises strike.

I know what my body can endure: I know that I can carry a backpack for weeks; through a new country. I know I can climb hills to white temples in Pokhara. I know my body handles long work days well. I know I can swim for miles between islands off the coast of Tanzania.

And God created my body. Just like he created me with my stutter.

Genesis 1:27 - So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

What you need to remember

I don't know what people have seen in you that they've laughed at, ridiculed, or made you feel worthless for. I don't know why people have tried to say you aren't made in the image of God. But I'm sure you can put your finger on it in less than a minute.

What I do know is that God is singing over you louder than all those people making you feel worthless and he is singing:

Beloved, you are made well.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made in my image.

What I see is good, so very good.

You are mine and you are loved.

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When someone makes you feel worthless, remember this by @wendyvaneyck {Tweet This!}

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One of my favourite books, A Good and Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations, and a Little Girl Named Penny is on sale on Kindle for 0.99USD till 29 September 2016. It's about so much more than Down Syndrome, it's about our idea of perfection. I wrote a bit about the book here. If you like memoirs this one is worth a read. *Affiliate link*

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When you long for beauty, remember this

2016-05-09T05:30:00.000+02:00

Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
Psalm 23:6 (MSG)

The evenings have been far from perfect lately.

Winter has been beating back summer with wind and rain and temperatures that leave me watching my breath hover in the air as I exhale. The trees have left their leaves on the ground like discarded clothes from a grand party.

The last few evenings I’ve been pulling on a jacket and taking our dog for walks in the field below our house. He runs around like he has never had a walk before.

On each walk, I pause on a mound that allows the farmland in the distance to come into view. If I time it right I can see the sun falling behind the rolling hills. The sky streaked with oranges, pinks, purples, blues.

I’ve stood and watched this beauty each evening, the sunset God is painting for me, the sunset he puts there just to remind me that his beauty and love will never stop chasing after me.

I’ve a cousin who teaches her kids to remember every time they see a sunset that God’s love for them will never change.

I remember passing many evenings with Xylon in hospital. The rooms he was put in almost always afforded me a view of the sunsetting, and gave me a moment of beauty each evening to remember God loves me. God’s love and beauty found me in one of the ugliest places.

Life can have so many ugly, hard moments, but I’ve found God’s beauty and love pursue me in all of them.

Many days I need this reminder:
God's beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. (<- tweet this)

Some times God’s love and beauty look like a sunset, sometimes gift from a friend, or time with a loved one. But they are there, chasing you every day of your life.

How have you seen God’s beauty and love chasing you?

P.S. I don't often use my own photos on the blog but this time I thought I'd share a few photos from the spot were I stop to stand and stare and God's beauty and love chasing me. That is our dog, Oliver, looking back at you in the top pic.

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When life feels out of control, pray this

2016-04-14T05:30:00.000+02:00

Let go of your concerns!

Then you will know that I am God.

I rule the nations.

I rule the earth.

Psalm 46:10 (GW)

So much of life is out of our control.

As I write this, my brother and sister-in-law are in hospital waiting to find out if their baby will be born 4-weeks early. Out of our control.

A friend is expecting to find out if she got a job she really wants. Out of our control.

Another friend is biding time till she get’s a phone call to say the child she is wants to adopt can come home. Out of our control.

This week, Xylon and I met with the oncologist for his quarterly check up. It was clear, but the results were out of our control.

I don’t know about you but I spend a lot of time and energy on things over which I have no control.

Which is why I loved this post by Seth Godin about all the events you weren’t there to control.

Godin writes about all the things that happened in the last week that you and I weren’t part of: weddings, investments, product launches and how all of those things still worked without us.

As I read it I felt like I could exhale.

It also made me feel really small, like who am I to think that I can control the outcomes of so many things I worry about?

Then it made me think about how big God is. And how God is looking after all these things that are out of my control.

You know what I realised? It isn’t my or your responsibility to control everything that happens.

Making good choices matters. Being their for friends and family matters. But when my need for control starts making trusting God to work things out hard then I need to remember this:

When my world is out of control, it isn’t out of God’s concern. (tweet this)

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A prayer to pray:

God we're scared!

We confess that we've tried to take control of situations that belong to you.

You know we often doubt that you are in control but we want to let go of our concerns, and be still.

We want to know you are God in the midst of my fears and anxieties.

Thank you that you are our refuge, our fortress and our God in whom we can trust.

Thank you for peace where there was anxiety.

Give us the freedom to live today knowing that whatever happens you will arm us with strength and keep our way secure.

Bible verses to remind you God is in control:

Psalm 91:1-2

2 Samuel 22:31-33

John 14:27

*****

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One secret to loving well

2016-04-07T05:30:00.000+02:00

Love doesn’t come as a heart-shaped cookie cutter.

I’m not sure I realised that when I set out to learn to love well this year.

I think, subconsciously at least, I thought I could figure out what loving well looks like and then learn that off by heart and repeat, and repeat, and repeat.

I mean there are those famous verses in the bible about love,

Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love; it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight! Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.

Surely, if I just learnt how to be patient and kind; how not to be envious, or brag or strut about and am never rude, indecent or self-absorbed then I’d love well?

I know, just writing that list which only covers the first two verses, I’m thinking how on earth did I ever think that loving well could be made into a cookie cutter, one size fits all act?

I was looking for a new book to read on my kindle and I saw a while back I’d bought the book, Love Well: Living Life Unrehearsed and Unstuck by Jamie George. I don’t know when I bought it. I can’t remember if it was before or after I started this “well” journey but it seemed like an apt read that would also maybe tick a box in the “read well” column.

In the book, George writes vulnerably about a time in his life when he and his wife were walking through the question of whether to continue or end their marriage. He shares many of the things he learnt as they sat in marriage counseling and most of the book focuses more on how to get out of a rut in your life than practical ideas on how to love well.

Once I finished the book I took the dog for the walk and while I walked I thought about this about how what I had wanted was a book that gave me the cookie cutter for loving my friends and family well. This book didn’t do that and it frustrated me.

Then I thought back to something I read in the book:

“When we love well we are not preoccupied with uniformity.” {tweet this}

In trying to find one formula to love everyone the same I was not learning to love well.

Instead I was trying to find a shortcut to doing the hard and holy work of listening, learning and opening up my own heart.

I thought again of that famous bible verse that I somehow thought I could package up into neat cookie cutters. I thought about how patience/kindness/truth looks different depending on the who and where and when.

And I thought about how Jesus loves, how the bible is full of Jesus loving people in different ways, and how he could have delivered a sermon giving a cookie cutter approach to love. Instead Jesus told us to simply, “Love God with everything we’ve got and love others as we’d love ourselves.”

None of us loves ourselves the same. For Xylon, loving himself means going for a long cycle. For me, it means curling up with book and bowl of popcorn.

It's hard this realisation because it means I'll have to find the right mix of ingredients for each person I encounter that will help them feel loved.

So on this “well” journey I’m putting down my heart shaped cookie cutter and instead inviting the Holy Spirit to guide me in what loving well might look like in all the who’s and where’s and when’s.

*Affiliate links used. This means if you click on the book link in this post and buy anything on Amazon a small percentage of the sale will be paid to me to help support my blog.

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When you need someone to acknowledge it happened (and it hurt!)

2015-11-23T05:30:00.000+02:00

You see all things;

You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb;

Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;

You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.

Psalm 139:16 (VOICE)

My friend and I walked into the coffee shop at the same time. “Shall we sit here?” she said, pointing to a long table with a bench.

She ordered a cappuccino and I ordered water. Then my friend asked how my foot is.

And out poured this story. This story of why I didn't get stitches when I should have. How I didn't get stitches because the last time I was sick in December I was told I was dramatic. And I didn't want to be dramatic.

So instead I asked the people around me if they thought I needed stitches.

They thought I didn't.

And I didn't want to be dramatic so I listened to them.

I told myself, ‘the body is amazing it can heal itself.’

The cut can’t be as bad as you think.

Four days later, my foot turned pink, started to swell, and I could no longer bend my toes. I decided it was time to be dramatic.

I told Xylon to drive me to the doctor. Where a very kind physician did not lecture me on being irresponsible or even on the importance of self-care.

He simply lifted the bandage. Asked when it happened and said, “I'd expect it to be more healed by now.”

Then he felt my pulse and tested my blood pressure to see if the infection was systemic. Content that it wasn’t he prescribed me antibiotics and sent me home. Telling me it should start healing by Sunday.

On the Monday, I asked to be taken to the doctor again. My foot was getting better but it didn’t seem right to me. I had learnt my lesson. The doctor took one look and prescribed heavier antibiotics.

My friend sat across the table as I told this story and said, “It hurts, hey? It wounds our hearts deeply to be told our pain isn't real, that it doesn't matter?”

I nodded and the wound in my heart throbbed. It throbbed because it was being acknowledged. My pain was being seen.

We spoke about how healing only comes when pain is acknowledged. A wound cannot be treated if the person carrying it acts like it doesn’t exist.

My friend told me how she went to the doctor and told him she was slightly tired. He ran tests and told her, “I don't even know how you walked in here. You shouldn't have enough energy to do that.”

She spoke about how good (bad?) so many of us are at hiding how much pain we feel. And how that makes others think that we’re okay. And how because everyone thinks we are okay they don’t stop to say, “Wow, that looks sore. You were very brave but let’s get you some help now.”

Then she told me about her little girl. Adopted shortly after birth she struggles with her presence not being acknowledged.

The wound my friends' daughter carries isn’t visible, like the cut on my foot, but it is just as real.

My friend went onto tell how their daughters birth-mother never told anyone she was pregnancy. She hid the pregnancy - hid her daughter - shielded her from being known even while the in the womb. This little girl was unseen. Invisible.

And in then there in the coffee shop my friend quoted scripture:

You see all things;

You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb;

Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;

You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.

There was healing in her words, a reminder that the God-who-sees-me knows every detail of my life. (tweet this)

She spoke the words she prays over her daughter but they began to heal my wound of being in pain with no one to take me seriously.

The last few days I’ve cradled that verse in my heart, wrapping it round my heart wound every time I change the dressing on my foot. Reminding myself that it is only when pain is acknowledged that it can be treated and the wound can be healed.

So I wind the bandage round-and-round and whisper: You see all things…

Ponder: As you read this what heart wound began throb? And say, “I’m real, it happened, it hurt.” What steps can you take to acknowledge the pain? Consider seeing a social worker or psychologist to chat through the pain.

Prayer: You are, the One who sees all things. You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb and right now you know the details of my life that causing my heart to throb with pain. God who see me show me how to acknowledge this pain I’m feeling so I can taste the sweetness of the life you’ve given me. Amen.

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{You might also like these posts}

3 reminders of God's love for the days you feel invisible, unwanted or held back by your past

When you feel invisible (or one way God reminds me he keeps his promises)

How does God see me?

One thing to remember when you are hurting

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Thanks to Unsplash.com and Gratisography | Design: Wendy van Eyck

What you need to know when you're having one tough week

2015-11-19T10:34:00.000+02:00

For God expressed His love for the world in this way: He gave His only Son so that whoever believes in Him will not face everlasting destruction, but will have everlasting life. John 3:16 (VOICE)

I’ve had one of those weeks.

It’s been a week when I’m not sure where the to-do list starts or what to tackle next.

Seven days of early mornings, long days, and late nights. Deadlines. Meetings. Launches.

On top of that the email server crashed.

And I got a stomach bug.

This morning as I sat down to write this post I took a deep prayer and said,

“God, what do I need to hear from you today.”

It’s the first time all week that I’ve taken the time to slow down and listen for God. And to be honest if I didn’t have a blog to go out today this time probably wouldn’t have happened either.

As I sat still for a moment and I scanned the list of half written blogs I keep. And one caught my attention.

On the note I had written:

You are loved. 

Jesus Christ is crazy about you. 

He loves you just as you are, not as you should be.

As you are.

Just as you are.

I’ve been so busy that it is easy to lose sight of that.

Maybe it’s hard to remember how much God loves me because it is difficult to understand how crazy his love for me is.

God sent his son to die for me so I could live with him forever. There is no way I can ever comprehend that kind of love.

I think my week has been crazy, but God’s love bends itself around my to-do list, invades my hard conversations and somehow swallows my early mornings, long days and late nights.

It’s weird but God’s love is big enough that he has been present in everything I’ve done. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t noticed how he helped me say the right words or how his love was present when I was tired and felt alone.

I allowed my schedule to let me lose sight of the fact that God loves me not because of what I do but because of who I am.

I am his.

I am his beloved.

Even on my craziest/saddest/hardest days God has never let me out of his sight.

In fact on those days I think he is close enough to see the freckles on my face.

What I’m trying to say is no matter what you are going through God loves you. He sees you. And if you look for his love you will find it in the places where you least expect it. Even in the middle of one of those weeks.

God. Loves. You. Don’t lose sight of that.(tweet this)

Ponder: Do you ever lose sight of the fact that God loves you? I’d love you to share in the comments the things that help you remember how much God loves you.

Prayer: Thank you that you love me, God. Help me to rest in your love. Amen.

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You can share this devotional on twitter by clicking here. I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

Does it feel like God’s love has failed you?

What to do when you feel unloved and insecure

3 truths to get you through the worst days of your life

One truth that could change your relationship with God

{Get my book}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits : Telescope demandaj Water droplets kaniths More grass creationswap.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

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One thing to remember when you are hurting

2015-11-05T08:44:00.000+02:00

As a result of this encounter, Hagar decided to give the Eternal One who had spoken to her a special name because He had seen her in her misery.

Hagar: I’m going to call You the God of Seeing because in this place I have seen the One who watches over me. Genesis 16:13 (VOICE)

According to people who know me I'm dramatic when sick or hurt.

I would disagree, but really, what do I know when I'm arguing with someone (Xylon) who has had a bone marrow transplant and someone else (my mom) who has had their heart shocked back to rhythm multiple times?

On Sunday, I stepped on a piece of glass while walking on the beach.

The cut was clean, but pretty deep, and about 3cm long.

There was blood. I want to say there was a lot of blood but fear the aforesaid people might think I'm dramatic.

All I had was a tissue. And about 1km to walk across the beach to the car.

I asked Xylon for the drawstring on his pants, and tied it round the tissue and my foot as a makeshift MacGyver shoe, and then we walked home as fast as I could.

That’s it. Not dramatic at all.

Well, there was one slightly dramatic pause when I burst into tears and cried, "How will we ever make it to the car?"

But I'm blaming that one on shock.

To be honest, I know I can be dramatic when I’m sick or hurt.

But if it helps at all, I also know why I’m dramatic. I want someone to notice me. I want people to react in a way that signals that I matter, in a way that tells me, “I’ve seen your hurt.”

There’s a story in the bible that I strongly identify with.

It’s about a woman who was hurt in ways I can’t even imagine. Hagar, a slave, she was used by her mistress, made to sleep with her owners wife, and then when she became pregnant with his child was treated badly by her mistress.

Hagar finds herself out in the desert discarded, thirsty and pregnant. Genesis 16 tells us that the Special Messenger of the Eternal One found Hagar alone by a spring of water out in the desert.

The Special Messenger gives her all kinds of promises from God and at the end of it the Bible says,

“Hagar decided to give the Eternal One who had spoken to her a special name because He had seen her in her misery.

Hagar: I’m going to call You the God of Seeing because in this place I have seen the One who watches over me.” (tweet this)

I don’t identify with this story because of what Hagar went through. Her misery is way worse than any I have experienced. Cutting my foot on the beach is a really bad comparison.

I identify with this story because, every time I read it, I remember God is the One who watches over me, who sees my misery.

It reminds me that God not only sees me but he responds to me:

God doesn’t leave me broken. He brings to completion the work he starts (Phil 1:6).

God is my help in trouble. He is safe place to share my misery (Psalm 46:1).

God makes all things new. All. Things. (Revelation 21:5).

I think these things are true whether I’m speaking about physical pain (like my foot) or emotional pain (like Hagar).

These days as I’m (dramatically) limping towards wholeness I’m reminding myself that:

God sees me.

God responds to my pain.

God is present in my misery. (tweet this)

Ponder: What are you dramatic about in your life in the hope that someone will you see the misery you are hiding?

Prayer: Eternal One, thank you that you know you my name and see me in my misery. Help me to remember that are the God of Seeing and you watch over me. I can’t wait to see how you make all things new. Amen.

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You can share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

How to pray when someone hurts you

When God makes something out of pain

Why I know Jesus would do anything to take your pain away

How to pray when your heart is breaking

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

What to do when you feel unloved and insecure

2015-11-02T13:27:00.003+02:00

It’s my birthday today. And I’ve been trying to find something that I could write that would adequately share some of my gratitude for life and for my family.

But everything I try to write doesn’t seem as appropriate as this post I wrote a couple of years ago so I’ve decided to share it again instead:

And so you are no longer called outcasts and wanderers but citizens with God’s people, members of God’s holy family, and residents of His household. Ephesians 2:19 (VOICE)

The year I turned 13 my parents asked me what I wanted for a present.

I could have asked for anything. I wouldn’t necessarily have got it but I could have asked for anything.

All I wanted was a box filled with reasons why my family loved me.

Growing up my parents never gave me any real reason to doubt that they loved me but still I felt unloved and insecure.

On my birthday, I opened up a little white box with thousands of pieces of paper from my brothers and my parents with the words “I love you.”

That box did more than just remind me that I was loved, it reminded me that I belonged.

It told me that I was part of a family that embraced me.

That I was connected to a clan of people who would write “I love you” on a piece of paper and put it in a box with thousands of others just because I asked to be loved that way.

The other day I came across a quote that reminded me of that box:

Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant or insecure, remember to whom you belong. (tweet this)

In tiny letters underneath it referenced Ephesians 2:19. I pulled out my bible and flicked to the verse.

I read the words out loud – slowly – personalizing it:

And so I am no longer called an outcast and a wanderer but a citizen with God’s people, a member of God’s holy family, and a resident of His household.

I thought about that little white box, and those thousands of papers, and how the mixture of belonging had somehow loved me to wholeness.

Realizing I belonged helped me to feel less unloved.

I thought about how God wants us to know how much he loves us, and what better way to do that then to tell us we belong in every way possible.

I am a citizen with God’s people.

I am a member of God’s family.

I am a resident of God’s household.

There is no getting round the fact that I belong with God and to God.

And that I am loved by God.

I am God’s beloved child.

It’s been 20 years since I asked for an “I-Love-You” box but there are still days when I feel unloved, unimportant or insecure.

I’m learning that perhaps I never needed that box, what I really needed was to read the words in Ephesians 2:19 until my soul believed them, until this truth was written on my heart:

I belong to God, and I am wholly and fully known, and loved by him. (tweet this)

Ponder: When you have felt unloved, unimportant or insecure in the past how have you dealt with it? How will this verse help you to behave differently.

Prayer: Lord, I’m having one of those days when I need to be reminded that I am loved and important to you. Help me believe Eph 2:19. Amen.

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{You might also like these posts}

When you’re desperate to be somebody

One truth that could change your relationship with God

When you feel unloved by God, try this

Truth for when you feel like a failure

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits: Blue fabric: nicholaslaughlin I love you: niznoz Green Heart: xurde (all found via photopin cc) | Design: Wendy van Eyck

When everyone else seems to have a better life than you, read this

2015-10-08T05:30:00.000+02:00

I’m taking a break from posting devotionals every Monday and Thursday for a while. It started back in September and I should be back to my regular posting from 19 October.

In the mean time I’m sharing a post every week or so with links to some of the stories I’ve loved reading and sharing over the last few months.

This list includes a bunch of posts I’ve found helpful in overcoming insecurity and being brave when I feel insignificant.

Just run your race at your pace by Holley Gerth // Because it is so easy to look at what everyone else is doing and think where you are right now isn’t good enough.

Courage and acknowledging desire by Claire Wyatt // Because this post is about so much more than just wanting to be married and have children. It’s a post for anyone who is wondered if it’s okay to speak his or her desires out loud.

An ordinary journey by Amy Julia Becker // Because it’s not just the men and women who endure dramatic hard stuff that emerge as heroes...

Something to remember when social media makes you feel bad about yourself by Al Andrews // Because I recently went and unfollowed everyone on Instagram who made me feel that my life just wasn’t good enough. I totally needed this reminder. You might too.

Good Enough is Good Enough by Jennifer Dukes Lee // Because when we’re tempted to compare we’ll always fine ourselves in need of more.

When you’re terrified of insignificance by Aliza Latta // Because we’ve all been there but you don’t have to stay there.

When you wonder if God really loves you by Emily Wierenga // Because some days it’s hard to believe you matter to God.

When you feel lonely and left out by Crystal Paine // Because you don’t have to sit there on your own.

If you’ve read anything that you’ve loved (or written something) you think I would enjoy please share a link in the comments and I'll take a look when I get back.

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{You might also like these posts}

If you feel unloved, unimportant or insecure
When you don’t feel like enough
You are invited

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

When you are weighed, measured, and found wanting

2015-09-10T15:32:00.000+02:00

For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Romans 3:23 (MSG)

This week, someone I admire forgot something important. They asked me to step in and help them out. I was happy too. This person always seems to have it all together. When they messaged me for help I thought, “Wow, they also make mistakes from time to time.”

It is so easy to do that, isn’t it? To believe that someone is better than you or even that you are better than someone else.

It's a horrible thing to admit but I like it when other people do worse than me at things.

When someone else fails at something I'm good at I often gloat. Rarely, do I gloat to their face, but often I’ll tell my husband how I did better than someone else at something.

I often forget that we are all human, that we are all made from the same earth.

There is a bible verse in Romans I’ve been thinking about since I was requested to help out earlier this week: “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”

I often associate this verse with angry turn-or-burn rhetoric: “enter the Kingdom of God now or live all your days in fear of God who is out to get you in hell for eternity.”

I’ve been thinking that maybe “For all have sinned” isn't meant to be a declaration to hold over the heads of those we think are sinners but as a reminder that we're all the same.

Perhaps Romans 3:23 should be viewed as an invitation to let our neighbour who (often) loves us as poorly as we love ourselves off the hook.

We have all disappointed God.

We are all desperately in need of Grace.

From God.

From others.

From ourselves.

What if we read Romans 3:23 as a reminder that we are all human and in need of Jesus to set things right for all of us?

God breathed life into each of us.

Jesus gave life to each of us on the cross.
All have sinned but all are loved by God. (tweet this)

And then, what if I took this attitude and lived it in my relationships, if instead of thinking of others as better or worse than me, I thought of them as someone in need of Grace, mercy and kindness?

It is so easy for me to feel “less than” or “more than” when God has only asked me to “love”. (tweet this)

Ponder: What if we read Romans 3:23 as a reminder that we are all human and in need of Jesus to set things right for all of us? How would that change things for you?

Prayer: God, help me to remember that we are all human and all equally loved by you.

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{You might also like these posts}

One thing I really like about God (and 6 reasons why I’d probably never seek him out)
For all of us who wonder if God loves us
When all you want to do is move on
One truth that could change your relationship with God

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

One truth that could change your relationship with God (and everyone else you know)

2015-08-17T15:12:00.000+02:00

And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:17 (NKJV)

Beloved.

I forget that I am a beloved child of God all the time.

I forget that I a person who is greatly loved by God.

I forget that “Beloved” is my very identity.

I imagine I’m not the only one.

I have a friend who even has it tattooed on her arm so she never forgets.

Henri Nouwen once wrote, “We are the beloved sons and daughters of God just as Jesus is the Beloved Son.” (tweet this)

How crazy is that? God loves me – and you – as much as he loves Jesus.

You are a person who is greatly loved.

We are God’s beloved.

I was looking at the word yesterday and for the first time I saw that it could also be broken in two: Be loved.

Be Loved.

And I knew I need to remember that not only am I God’s beloved but I can be loved.

Some days I don’t feel very lovable, but even on those days God is telling me that I am his beloved, that I am his child, and that I live loved.

When I remember to be loved by God I can react out of a place of security as a child of God who is loved as much as Jesus.

Be Loved.

So today, no matter where you find yourself or how you are feeling allow yourself to remember that you are Beloved, and that you can be loved.

And then go and live from that place of absolute love, acceptance and approval.

Beloved, be loved. (tweet this)

Hear God’s voice speaking over you, “This is My beloved Child, in whom I am well pleased.”

Ponder: When was the last time you thought about how amazing it is that Jesus’ sacrifice has put you in the position of being God’s child, beloved

Prayer: God, help me to live as your beloved child. Help me to understand the depth, length and breadth of your love for me and to secure in that love. Amen.

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{You might also like these posts}

Why you don't need to be defined by your past
When you feel unloved by God, try this
When you’re desperate to be somebody (or how to quiet the voices saying you aren’t good enough)

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | "hope sign" : Wendy van Eyck | Design: Wendy van Eyck

For all of us who wonder if God loves us

2015-08-13T14:49:00.000+02:00

This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God. 1 John 4:9-11 (MSG)

I overheard my husband chatting to a friend on the phone, “I won’t be able to come.”

They chatted for a minute or two longer and then he hung up.

He turned to me, and explained the adventure his friend had invited him on, and then he said, “But I don’t want to do that because I like spending time with my wife.”

I gave him a hug and said, “Those are some of the most romantic words you have ever spoken.”

Xylon didn’t have to turn his friend down.

He chose to forgo that particular adventure.

That night he chose me.

Later that night, I lay in bed reflecting on what Xylon said, and I started to think about God and how he loves us.

I thought about how Jesus loved us so much he chose to leave heaven to spend time with us.

1 John 4:9-11 says, “This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.”

Jesus chose us.

God chose to show his love for us by choosing to be present with us.

Have you ever wondered at that? Much like my husband chose me the other night, Jesus chose you.

I'm pretty sure from what I know of the place where Jesus lives that there must have been some amazing adventures he could have been on. But instead he chose to come speak life, to heal the sick, to comfort those that mourn and bring a hope for a different future.

Jesus chose to come and spend time with us.

And that’s important.

Jesus chose me.

Jesus chose you.

I don't know about you but that makes me want to whisper my gratitude in Jesus' ear.

Ponder: Have you ever considered that Jesus didn’t have to come to earth to bring our salvation? How does that change your relationship with him.

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for choosing me.

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{You might also like these posts}

When you feel unloved by God, try this

One thing I really like about God (and 6 reasons why I’d probably never seek him out)

If your relationship (or lack of one) has you feeling defeated and alone, read this

3 reminders of God's love for the days you feel invisible, unwanted or held back by your past

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | "hope sign" : Wendy van Eyck | Design: Wendy van Eyck

How I learned not to worry about tomorrow

2015-07-16T01:30:00.000+02:00

There is a funny story about this post. I was sitting worrying about what to write on the blog tomorrow. I was thinking about how Xylon just arrived back from 2 weeks away, and how I wanted to spend time with him, and not write. Then I thought let me check my mail and I saw a mail from my friend Nelet with a guest post submission. Not any guest post submission but this one about not worrying about tomorrow. Felt like God was speaking write to me, saying, “See, you’re worth more than many sparrows. I will look after you. Here’s a devotional for tomorrow.” I hope it meets you right where you are just like it did me. 

{A guest post by Nelet Kok}

Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Matthew 10:31 (NKJV)

My mum regularly points out to me how sparrows always have food.

Do the sparrows know where their food comes from?

Do they worry about it?

I love the little brown bird. It’s ability to survive, without worrying what tomorrow might hold.

I’m a freelancer. Two things you learn pretty quickly as a freelancer are:

a) how to budget

b) to try your best, even when you don’t feel like it, because you’re only as good as your last job.

I have been employed steadily since October last year and after completing a 3 month contract in Cape Town at the end of April, I came home.

I decided to take a week off just to relax and recuperate.

It didn’t take long before my mornings started with a knot in my stomach. I need work: I need to pay bills, put fuel in my car and buy food.

A two week job request came in. I quietly said a thank you prayer – this would be enough for this month.

24hours before the job was supposed to start, it was cancelled.

I didn’t scream or shout. I climbed into bed and watched series, until I felt better. And I baked chocolate muffins, because – well, chocolate helps for everything.

I didn’t know how long it would take for me to land my next job. I was looking, but it was winter and winter has always been quiet in the television industry.

I lay in bed that night, praying. My heart was sore. I want to be successful. I want to be enough and I want to be good at my job. Being unemployed made me doubt my past jobs: was I good enough to get work again? I fell asleep.

Somehow my worries took the backseat as I looked outside through the kitchen window the next morning – a bunch of sparrows were eating outside, happily chatting.

If God looks after sparrows, He will look after me. {tweet this}

God knew me before I was born and He created me in his own image, He will look after me.

Sometime later a friend called, she was going on maternity leave and was looking for stand-in for the time when she’ll be raising a little human. The Operations Manager called to confirm it with me.

As I signed the papers a week later, my heart melted. God knew my fears, heard my prayers and provided for me.

Again.

Like He always does.

He will look after me.

Ponder: What are you worrying about in your life that God can take care of?

Prayer: Lord, thank you that you always look after me.

About Nelet Kok: 

I'm a big dreamer with a big need for adventure, cool television content, and wanting to live a simple life. I love traveling to everywhere weird & wonderful.  I like politics, history, animals and people that take the road less traveled by. 

You can find me on Facebook or read more on my blog: http://vlerkdans.blogspot.com/ 

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{You might also like these posts}
One thing to remember when you feel like won't make it (+ free printable)
When you are about unravel, do this

{Other places I've been writing this week}

Why you need to think about in “sickness and health” BEFORE your wedding day.

Read it here >> http://www.startmarriageright.com/…/why-you-need-to-think-…/

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

photo credit: 2010 11 06_Birds at Wilberfoss_0142.JPG via photopin (license)photo credit: Sparrow via photopin (license)photo credit: Chirp via photopin (license)

When you feel unloved by God, try this

2015-07-13T01:54:00.000+02:00

I am my beloved’s,

And his desire is for me.

Song of Solomon 7:10 (NASB)

It's been a long time since I've read a book that wasn't a memoir or a novel.

Most non-fiction Christian books I read are full of lists of things to do or change about myself.

I became tired of finishing a book and feeling like I need to pray more, read the bible a certain way, go to church or tell one stranger about Jesus every day. So I stopped reading them.

This weekend I read a book by Brennan Manning called “The Furious Longing of God”. I only read the book because, well, it’s Brennan Manning, and since reading Ragamuffin Gospel in my teens I’ll read anything by him.

It’s the first book I've read in a long time that made me feel loved by God.

As I read it felt like God loved me.
No, like God actually liked me.
Exactly the way I am.
No need for extra prayer, or church attendance, or reading the bible.

In the book, Basil Hume of London England is quoted as saying: Christians find it easier to believe that God exists than that God loves them. {Tweet this}

It is so easy to forget that God loves us, isn’t it? It shouldn’t be, but it is.

Almost daily, bad things happen, people we love ache and dreams collapse. And most times even squinting doesn’t bring God into focus, yet alone help us to see or feel how much he loves us.

Brennan Manning tells a story of 78 year-old nun who was sexually abused by her father from the age of 5. This nun comes to Manning one night at tells him of all the hatred she has felt in her heart for a long, long time. She spoke about going through the motions of religion to keep up appearances. But her heart was so very, very broken.

After listening to her story, and praying for healing, Manning asked her to find a quiet place and pray this prayer every day for the next 30 days:

Abba, I belong to You. {Tweet this}

He explained that this prayer is exactly 7 syllables and corresponds to the rhythm of breathing.

Inhale-Abba. As you exhale-I belong to you.

And she did it.

Manning says her follow-up letter told of how her heart was being healed, how she had forgiven her father and how she knew inner-peace for the first time in her life.

As I fell asleep on Saturday night my breathing reminded me to pray.

Inhale – Abba

Exhale – I belong to you

It was a childlike, simple prayer, but I felt as I prayed that was trusting God with my life again.

As I prayed it felt like I was letting go of all the hurts, disappoints and fears, and telling my father God – my Abba – that I believe that he is for me, and his plans for my life will give me a hope and a future.

Ponder: I’m going to quote Brennan Manning from the "Consider This" section of The Furious Longing of God: “Prayerfully consider taking a few moments every day for the next month, closing your eyes, upturning your palms, and praying, “Abba, I belong to You.” Don’t make it anything more than that; trust me, it’s enough.”

Prayer: Inhale – Abba, Exhale – I belong to you.

** Affiliate links used. 

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{You might also like these posts}
If you feel unloved, unwanted or insecure
Does God no longer love me if I have troubles?

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

How to laugh in the face of the fear

2015-06-22T01:30:00.000+02:00

She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25 (NLT)

“She laughs.”

This has long been one of my favourite bible verses.

She laughs without fear of the future.

Recently, as it seemed that Xylon's cancer had recurred, (please read this post from last Thursday for an update on Xylon's health and #prayforzero), I struggled with this verse as I spoke to God about what the future might look like.

I asked God, "How? How can I laugh without fear at the days ahead?"

How can I laugh in the face of cancer?

How can I be fearless in a world where people are shot because of the colour of their skin?

How can I have courage to [fill in the blank with a plethora of terrifying things]?

My husband and I have been speaking about fear a lot in our house lately: a possible 4th diagnosis of cancer tends to do that.

Xylon told me how he lay awake in bed one night talking to God and how he felt all his fear disappear: his fear of dying, his fear of the cancer coming back, his fear of not being there for me.

And then Xylon said he realized that fear is not from God.

The enemy of our souls is fear.

It reminded me of something I once read about how we become subject to our fears. How the fear we had finds a way to rule our lives.

It shook me when I read it years ago, it shakes me now.

I don't want my future subject to fear.

I want my future to be subject to God.

Which brings me back to walking the dog in the field below our house and asking God, "How? How do I laugh without fear of the future?"

I didn't get an answer that day but I'm working on it. I'm massaging the message into my soul.

I'm praying that when fear creeps in that God will help me fight back with joy.

I'm reminding myself that my master is love, not fear. And that there is no fear in love.

To be honest, I'm not yet laughing without fear but I am learning to look it in the face and say, "Fear, you're not wanted here." (tweet this)

And I think that is a start.

Ponder: Where are you on the journey of living without fear of the future? Please share your stories and tools in the comments.

Prayer: Fear, you are not wanted here. In Jesus name I'm telling you to leave. God, in the place of fear I ask you would flood my soul with love and help me fight fear back with joy. Teach me how to laugh without fear at the days ahead. Amen.

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Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Why I know God is real (Xylon writes his own health update)

2015-06-18T13:09:00.001+02:00

A note from Wendy: I asked Xylon if he'd share on my blog today. The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for us. Hearing yesterday that the biopsy showed zero cancer was the best news I think we may ever have received. We are so grateful to God for this undeserved mercy.

We have been so touched and humbled by people all over the world who have joined in #prayforzero. Your encouraging words and prayers have made a difference. Thank you.

Here's some of what Xylon has been thinking and feeling during this time:

We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! Romans 5:4 (MSG)

The scan was a horrible experience, again.

From the moment I made the appointment, it didn’t feel right. Having to fly to Johannesburg to do my bi-annual cancer check up scan, I fought with the nurse about arrival times. I didn’t want to be there.

While doing the scan, everything felt dark. They wanted a follow up ultrasound. When I saw the words “ultrasound-liver”, “ultrasound-spleen” and “ultrasound-neck”, my heart sank.

But that was nothing compared to when we got the news that the disease has recurred. That’s what our oncologist said. Then he went on to talk about treatment options. I first thought, ‘what a horrible job he’s got’.

Then my world came crashing down.

After a day of depression, I talked with Wendy about refusing further treatment and rather looking into alternative methods. Ultimately, what it lead to was a whole lot of broccoli, and trust in God that He healed me before, and a belief that because of that, there is no ways the cancer could be back.

I don’t understand God.

In recent years, I’ve re-written who God is in my head several times. But it’s never changed who He is in my heart. {tweet this}

I haven’t been great at giving God the attention He deserves. Yet here He was, creator of the universe, screaming out for my attention. Little old (not that old) me.

God used several people - people I have never met - to tell me to have hope and confidence. My faith grew.

By the time the follow up biopsy results arrived, I knew the doctors expected cancer, but I had so much faith in God that it would be negative, I didn’t even flinch.

I lie.

I’m human.

I was super nervous.

But I had a belief that is difficult to explain.

I just knew the results would be negative.

When I was young, I had a friend who died of cancer. I asked a youth pastor at the time how God could allow for this to happen as my friend loved God so much. The young pastor told me God wanted my friend to die having faith. That has always bugged me. That God sucks and I don’t believe in him. What the youth pastor should have said is, “I don’t know, Xylon.”

I still don’t understand God.

I’m re-writing Him in my head.

I only have a few opening lines followed by several blank pages.

All I know is, God is real.

How else can God ask a person I have never met to pray for me on the day the doctor said the disease has recurred?

God is screaming out for my attention.
I hope I will listen more than I have in the past.

Ponder: Why do you believe God is real?

Prayer: Lord, help me to shout your praise even when I am hemmed in troubles. Keep me alert to whatever you are doing next. Amen.

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Photo Credit (Creative Commons): UnSplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

One simple thing to focus on this Easter

2015-04-02T13:26:00.003+02:00

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. Romans 5:6-8 (MSG)

I wrote on Monday that the thing I love most about God is that he seeks us out.

While I was writing it I was struck how the story of God finding Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden is the Easter story.

It’s the Gospel.

God coming to them.

God seeking Adam and Eve out after they’d messed up. God looking for Adam and Eve right after they’d just done exactly what God had told them not to.

Jesus coming to me.

Jesus calling me to him while we are trying desperately to hide from him.

Jesus beckoning us to fall in step with him while we try madly to tell him why we will never be good enough for him to call us friend.

And Jesus looking at us as we hang on a cross with all our sins written out on plaque above our heads and saying, “Friend, today you will be with me in paradise.”

That is the miracle of Eden, the miracle of Easter: that God came to us when we had nothing to offer. (tweet this)

The Message puts it this way in Romans 5:6-8:

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready…God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Jesus did it all.

Jesus didn’t even leave the finding up to us.

God sought us out and then offered us life, life, and more life.

Ponder: What is the most poignant thing about the Easter story for you?

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for coming to find me. Thank you for the life you gave and the freedom from sin you bought me on Calvary. Amen.

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One thing I really like about God (and 6 reasons why I’d probably never seek him out)

2015-03-30T05:30:00.000+02:00

When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.

God called to the Man: “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8-9 (MSG)

There are lots of things I like about God.

But the thing I like the most about him is that he seeks us out.

God doesn’t wait for us to come to him.

I like that.

I like it because I’m kinda shy.

I like it because there are so many reasons (but I'm only going to list 6) why I’d probably never seek God out:

God's better than me.

He’s perfect, while most of the time I’m a mess.

Sometimes I’m angry with him.

Other times I doubt so much about God.

He is without sin. And I have sin attached to me like the sun spots on my forearms.

I’m a person and well, He’s, umm, God.

But none of those reasons have ever stopped him seeking me out.

It’s right there in the first few chapters of the Bible.

God coming to us.

God with us.

God seeking Adam and Eve out after they’d messed up. God looking for Adam and Eve right after they’d just done exactly what God had told them not to.

Love finds us where we are.

Love crawls into the dark places where we are hiding and says, “I’m with you.”

Because that is what Love does. And God is Love.

I don’t know your story, I don’t know why you’re trying to hide from God, or why you think no one will notice if you’re not around, but I do know this:

Love will always find you where you are. (tweet this)

Ponder: Do you believe that God seeks you out? Is there a time in your life when you thought God wouldn’t find you but he did?

Prayer: God, that you for finding me where I am. Amen.

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Why I'm coming out as a Christian who doesn't go to church

2015-03-09T05:30:00.000+02:00

I am the path, the truth, and the energy of life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. John 14:6 (VOICE)

She was from my past.

From the past where I went to church every week, was a leader in youth group, and even allowed to play the guitar on stage if my volume was turned down real low.

She asked where I went to church now. I swallowed and replied, "I don't go to church anymore."

And I waited.

I've learnt that every Christian has a response to this answer. Most of the time the response is one that makes me feel small, irrelevant and unworthy.

The truth is I don't identify as a churchgoer anymore.

I haven't attended a standard Sunday church for five years (maybe more). I can’t really remember when I stopped going only that Jesus is still the most dear and precious thing in my life.

For me faith is all about staying close to God. It's about hearing Jesus say, "Come follow me" and then leaving everything to walk as close to him as possible.

It's about believing that when Jesus said, "I am the path, the truth, and the energy of life. No one comes to the Father except through Me,” that he meant it. That John 14:6 weren’t just pretty words to Jesus but an invitation to a future of life, life, and more life.

I’m putting all my faith in fact that Jesus plus nothing is the only math I need. (tweet this)

One of things I haven't left behind yet is my desire to please others, to please you guys. As a Christian blogger, and as the manager of a Christian TV station before that, I live (and lived) in fear of Christians discovering my secret: that I don’t go to church anymore.

I've learnt that in the world of sharing Jesus publicly not attending a church is a shame to hide, something to whisper.

Maybe I'm still trying to earn love which is why I've lived in fear for so long that someone will find out I don't go to church anymore.

And then my voice won't matter.

But the truth is I don't think I'm alone. I think there are a lot of us out there. Jesus lovers who don't fit the sunday-church-goer-midweek-meeting-mold and who are scared of the reaction other Christians will have towards them if they knew.

I have friends who attend church, work in church, love church, and I've friends who aren't too sure how to spell church.
I'm not trying to make you behave like me.
I just want you to feel free to live in such a way that daily you find yourself being pulled into an embrace by God, that you find yourself so close to him surgeons would have a hard time cutting you apart.

I'm coming out as a Christian who doesn't go to church. (tweet this)

I'm coming out as a Christian who doesn't go to church, but is still deeply in love with a God who hung on a cross to ensure I would live with him forever.

I'm coming out as a Christian who doesn’t go to church, who still has doubts and fears and questions about God, but loves him anyway.

And I know after this post, some of you might stop reading the encouragement I share here but I'm okay with that.
Now.
After all these years.

I'm okay with it because part of coming to Jesus - and believing I don't have to bring anything to be acceptable to him - is stripping off the lie that I have to be a church-going Christian to saved.

My only salvation is Jesus.

My salvation isn't about what I do on a Sunday, whether I write devotionals, if I have a whole book of the bible memorized. It's Jesus plus nothing. Always.

Ponder: What do you think of Christians who don’t attend church? What drives these thoughts: the bible, culture or leaders opinions?

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for giving up everything to be with me. Draw me closer to you everyday and teach me moment by moment to live life the way you want me to. Amen.

** This was prompted in part by this beautiful post Why I'm coming out as a Christian by Ana Marie Cox. It also includes ideas I’ve been brewing since Donald Miller wrote this post, I don't worship God by singing, and this post, last year.

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If Valentines has you feeling defeated and alone today, please read this

2015-02-12T05:30:00.000+02:00

As a result of this encounter, Hagar decided to give the Eternal One who had spoken to her a special name because He had seen her in her misery.

Hagar: I’m going to call You the God of Seeing because in this place I have seen the One who watches over me. Genesis 16:13 (VOICE)

I get it, if this Valentine’s Day you don’t want to hear that you are loved by God. (tweet this)

Even though it's true, it’s kind of Christianity 101. And it's kind of a platitude that can mean so little when your love forgets the 14th of Feb is an important date, or you're out pretending you don't care with friends, or heating up yet another meal for one. At times like that it feels a lot like God's love has failed you.

Being told “God loves you” on Valentine’s Day is a bit like being told that boys only pull the hair of girls they like.

I get it, if this Valentine’s Day you don’t want to hear God is with you either.

While it’s just as true as the phrase “You are loved by God” doesn’t this one just make you want to shout, “Tell that to the empty chair on the opposite side of the table”, or “Say that to the man at the cinema who looked pitifully at me when I order a ticket for one”, or “Well, then, where is God when my partner is out again with someone else”.

This Valentine’s Day what I really want to know is that my heart and my dreams are seen and remembered by God.

Some of my favourite stories in the bible bear witness to this. The verses I underline, the chapters that I read over and over again are those where God notices the people others pass by:

The woman at the well

The woman caught in adultery

The lame

The cripple

The blind

The thief

And then there is the story of Hagar, the servant girl that Sarah used as a way to force God’s hand to fulfill his promise of a child.

A girl who ran away to the desert to die.

A girl who God saw.

A girl who God met with in her lonely, unlovable state and reminded her that he saw her, that she mattered.

As a result of this encounter, Hagar decided to give the Eternal One who had spoken to her a special name because He had seen her in her misery.

Hagar said: I’m going to call You the God of Seeing because in this place I have seen the One who watches over me. (tweet this)

Isn't that beautiful?

Recently I read Sara Hagerty's book, "Every Bitter Thing is Sweet". It's a story of the highs and lows of infertility, adoption, and finding the family you always longed for.

One of my favourite parts in the book is when Sara is praying with her four year-old son birthed on another continent:

“Thank You, God, for remembering me when my Ethiopian mommy wasn’t around.” He had words for concepts too big for his young mind to fully conceive. Then my girl followed. “Thank You for remembering when I got my ears pierced, even though I don’t remember.” I caught Nate’s eyes and he gave me the look that said, We just stumbled onto something holy . Her words, too, were too big for her. An initiation that most girls anticipate for years and then treasure in memory was lost to her. Another unwitnessed mile marker. But wait, there was a Witness.

I love that.

I love that these once-orphan children felt that God had witnessed their lives when they seemed to be forgotten, when they had no earthly mother and father to prize their milestones.

This is what I want you to know about God on Valentine's: I want you to know that God isn't going to pass you by, write you off, or walk away ashamed.

I want you to know that God is going to invite you into a relationship with him despite my hair colour, height, weight, wallet size or sense of humor.

I want you to know that when you thought you were alone, when you felt you were unloved, God witnessed it all, that God remembered you.

God sees you, he can pick you out in a crowd, name the hairs on your head, and hold your thoughts in his hands.

He is a God who paints rainbows in the sky to remind you that nothing that is broken cannot be made new.*

So this Valentine’s I’m asking God to give me the gift of remembrance, to open my eyes to things he remembers about me from the times when I felt unloved and lonely. Will you join me?

Ponder: What do you most want God to tell you this Valentines?

Pray: God, open my eyes to things you remembers about me from the times when I felt unloved and lonely.

* This line is a paraphrase of Phil Joel's song, God is watching over you.
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One thing to do if you want to be known by your love

2015-02-02T05:30:00.000+02:00

Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” John 13:35 (MSG)

Recently, Nadia Bolz-Weber tweeted a pic with some hate mail to her (from a "Christian") and the words:

"They will know we are Christians by our (fill in the blank)” (tweet this)

Later that week I chatted to a friend about a family member who was involved with something they didn't approve of. My friend said, “They know I think it's wrong but how do I love them when I don't approve?”

I told my friend, “You love them. You love them they Jesus loves us.”

When I think about how Jesus loves I am deeply challenged. (tweet this)

Jesus loves the doubters.

Jesus loves the deceivers.

Jesus loves the forgetful.

Jesus loves the fearful.

Jesus loves the arrogant.

Jesus loves the one who turns away from him.

Jesus loves the questioner.

Jesus loves the thief.

Jesus loves the prostitute.

Jesus loves the adulterer

Jesus loves the worrier.

Jesus loves the rich.

Jesus loves the poor.

Jesus loves me.

Jesus loves me!

I’m not perfect. Just ask my husband.

If you followed me around 24/7 big-brother-style you’d find a million reasons why I shouldn’t be loved, a hundred things that would make you want to tell me why you don’t approve of my actions.

Jesus must want to pull God aside for and say, “Wendy knows I think it's wrong but how do I love her when I don't approve?”

But Jesus never condemns me (Romans 8:1).

Instead:
Jesus never gives up on me.

Jesus is patient with me.

Jesus is kind to me.

Jesus isn’t easily upset by what I do.

Jesus doesn’t keep score of my sins or revel when I grovel, but he does take pleasure in the flowering of truth.

Jesus puts up with anything and everything that comes along;

Jesus trusts God always,

Jesus always looks for the best in me.

Jesus never brings up my past but looks to the future.

Jesus is with me right to the end.*

I am overcome with gratitude for the grace Jesus offers me: Love.

I want to be known for my love. And I want my love to look like Jesus’: generous and outrageous.

Ponder: Do you think that others know you are a Christian by the way that you love others?

Prayer: Jesus, show me how to love like you have loved me. (tweet this)

*This is a paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (mostly from the MSG and VOICE versions)

Thank you to everyone who voted for me in the SA Blog Awards. I was delighted to read on Saturday that I won Best Religious or Spirituality Blog for 2014. Thanks for all the support and votes!

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Sometimes God being near isn't pretty (or one thing to do when you're anxious)

2015-01-29T05:30:00.001+02:00

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:5-6 (ESV)

I had a stomach bug recently. Just one of those 12-hour bugs. The kind that sees your body violently revolt against itself and leaves you wondering if you'll keep even the smallest water biscuit down.

During those hours I requested a bucket to be bought to lie next to me in case I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time.

Strangely enough these hours of feeling awful and desperate and in need of a bucket is what I think of as I read this verse.

It's not a pretty analogy but much of the gospel isn't clean and neat and Sunday school friendly. And to be honest neither are most of our lives.

This verse makes me want to say God is like that puke bucket: right at hand in times of trouble.

God is not far off (like the bathroom) or unreachable.

God is present. He is near and he's all you need.

God is right there. Just stretch out your arm and you'll find him.

No matter what kind of tough you're going through God is at hand. (tweet this)

Not only that but God says to tell him what you need when you are anxious about anything.

So today no matter how rough life is feeling or how tough you are finding it to get through the day remember that the Lord is at hand and ask him for what you need to get you through.

Ponder: When you are anxious do you remember that God is at hand?

Prayer: Lord, sometimes I forget you are near. Today I need to feel you sticking close to me. Thank you that with you I can get through the hard things I am facing right now.

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When you need to fight back with joy

2015-01-08T05:30:00.000+02:00

My husband was in the thick of his second diagnosis with cancer when I read that author, Margaret Feinberg, was receiving treatment for breast cancer. Although, she didn’t post about much during her treatment I enjoyed her posts on how to help someone diagnosed with cancer and rejoiced when she received the all clear after treatment. When I was asked if I’d blog to promote her new book, Fight back with Joy, my answer was yes. I thought the best way to do that would be to let Margaret share some of her words from the book. I hope you enjoy them, if you'd like to read more you can buy her new book now from Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

See, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy. I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more. Isaiah 65:17-19 (NIV)

“This is Dr. Jones,” the voice said. “Is now a good time?”

No. No, no, no.

As the physician spoke, my head dropped into liquid amber. Time halted. The conversation blurred.

Carcinoma.

Positive.

Both masses.

Surgery.

I’m sure he said more, but after carcinoma everything grew fuzzy. After the call, I stared at a wretched souvenir of the conversation: a scrap of paper on which I’d scrawled two recommended surgeons’ names.

Dazed, I beelined to the field house, where Leif was busy preparing the PowerPoint slides.

“I have your microphone ready,” Leif said.

He glanced up. I couldn’t hide my apprehension.

“What’s wrong?”

I took his hand, led him outside where we could be alone, and looked into his sky-blue eyes. I never spoke a word. Leif just knew. He always knows. My eyes are his second language.

He cloaked me in his arms and we stood motionless, knowing we had crossed a threshold through which we could never return. In the warmth of his strong embrace, I wondered where God was in all of this.

“What if we fight back with joy?” I said to Leif.

From the day of the diagnosis, I felt compelled to choose a different type of weapon: joy. Such a selection might seem flippant and frivolous. One blunt friend called it “downright odd.” If I had to cry ten thousand tears, I wanted joy to be the companion that carried me through. Joy would not deny the hardship, but would choose to acknowledge and face it no matter what the outcome.

I define joy as a spectrum of emotions, actions, and responses that includes gladness, cheer, happiness, merriment, delighting, dancing, shouting, exulting, rejoicing, laughing, playing, brightening, blessing and being blessed, taking pleasure in and being well pleased.

The Bible insists that joy is more than a feeling; it’s an action. We don’t just sense joy; we embody it by how we respond to the circumstances before us.

What is the genesis of this joy? I believe that, at its core, joy emanates from the abiding sense of God’s fierce love for us.

The tigerish love of God from which joy comes is foundational to faith. God’s love guards us, protects us, grows us, strengthens us, and compels us to walk in greater trust and holiness. This is no passive affection, but a feisty, fiery pledge to grow us into the fullness of Christ. When we embrace this love and cultivate an awareness of it, our hearts are filled with joy.

Such awareness strengthens our resolve that no matter the fight, we face it confident that God is with us and for us. When we fight back with joy, we no longer size the character of God according to our circumstances, but we size our circumstances according to the character of God and his great affection for us.

Practicing defiant joy is the declaration that the darkness does not and will not win. (tweet this)

Perhaps no greater joy has been given to us than through the person of Jesus Christ. Jesus came to take away the sins of the world. Through his sacrifice, everything that stands between God and us is wiped away forever. We bring God and all of heaven great joy when we give ourselves wholly to Christ.

The Son of God crashed into our world with an angel broadcasting, “I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people.” Before leaving our world, Jesus endows the disciples with the promise, “These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.”

Jesus arrives in joy, departs in joy, and calls us to great joy through fellowship with him. The proper response to being drenched in so much wondrous affection is to bring delight to God by offering our lives to him through obedience.

We are destined for joy. (tweet this)

Not only are we founded in joy and created for joy, but we are destined for joy. Consider the following promise at the heart of the book of Isaiah: “See, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy. I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more.”

The joyous creating of God continues to unfold. He has drawn the blueprints for an existence with the defining characteristics of gladness, rejoicing, and delight. One of the greatest promises to a child of God is that this life is not the end of the story.

You are founded in joy, created for joy, and destined for joy. Joy is where you come from. Joy is what you are created to experience. Joy is where you are headed.

Ponder: What area of your life needs you to fight back with joy?

Prayer: Jesus, thank you that you arrive in joy and depart in joy. Help me to find joy in the hard times I’m living through right now. Amen.

Adapted from Fight Back with Joy by Margaret Feinberg. Used with permission. Emphasis mine.

More about the author of this devotional:

Margaret Feinberg teaches at churches and conferences including Catalyst, Thrive, and Women of Joy. She was recently named one of 50 women most shaping church and culture by Christianity Today. Her books and Bible studies, including The Organic God, The Sacred Echo, Scouting the Divine, and Wonderstruck, have sold nearly a million copies. She lives in Colorado, with her husband, Leif, and their superpup, Hershey. She believes some of the best days are spent in jammies, laughing and being silly.

Buy her book: Fight back with joy or the 6 session bible study kit.

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3 reminders of God's love for the days you feel invisible, unwanted or held back by your past

2014-12-15T12:28:00.001+02:00

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. Romans 8: 38-39 (MSG)

I’m taking a bit of a break from writing new devotionals over the Christmas season. But I thought I’d take a look back at some of the places where God has met me over the last few years and share these with you until the New Year.

This is part of my attempt to remember the hard places that God meets us in.

Today, I’m focusing on the times when God has reminded me that I am loved by him, seen by him, and that nothing can ever change the way he feels about me.

For the times when you feel invisible, know that God has remembered you and he’s searching for you, longing to bring you back and he’s painting the sky reminders of his promises to you.

Read the full devotional here.

For the moments when you feel like an outcast: God says, “Come sit with me, you are one of the family.” You are no longer called an outcast and a wanderer but a citizen with God’s people, a member of God’s holy family, and a resident of His household.

Read the full devotional here.

If you feel crippled by your past: God is looking beyond that to your future. He is giving you what you need for the right now and enough to take care of you into the future.

Read the full devotional here.

As I look back at a few of the places and moments where God has reminded me of his presence and love I’m convinced that there is no loophole, no getting round the fact that you belong with God and to God.

And you are loved by God. (tweet this)

If you remember nothing else, remember this:
Nothing, absolutely nothing can get between you and God’s love because of the way that Jesus has embraced you. (tweet this)

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