I Love Devotionals by Wendy van Eyck

When you have to tell everyone what God has done (Hint: It's a quick update on Xylon's health)

2017-09-18T12:05:00.000+02:00

But the closer I am to You, my God, the better because life with You is good. O Lord, the Eternal, You keep me safe— I will tell everyone what You have done. Psalm 73:28

Xylon and I have grown so tired of hearing, “It looks like the cancer is back.”

It happens like clockwork every time Xylon has a PET scan. This year was no different.

He flew to Johannesburg for the scan in July. If called me from the airport with the results in his hand and fear in his voice, “I never should have opened them. They say it looks like the cancer is back.”

Usually, fear takes route in my stomach wrestling with my intestines. This time it didn’t. This time I replied to Xylon immediately, “I don’t think it is. The doctors who wrote that report are only looking at a tiny part of the picture. They are looking at one scan. If you look at the big picture, you are healthy.”

A week later, we sat in the oncologist’s room while we planned out the next steps. An operation to remove the lymph nodes that had grown followed by a biopsy.

We scheduled the operation for the middle of August. After Xylon would have completed his big cycling goal for the year: a 230 km mountain bike race.

With his muscles still tender after the race, I kissed Xylon and watched the porters wheel Xylon into surgery. I still felt peace. Usually, by this stage of the process, I am in knots and wondering what will happen to us if the cancer is back for the fourth time.

The surgery went well and the surgeon tells us he should have the results in about a week. We’re both still calm. Our mustard seed faith is still carrying us through.

The afternoon, before we are meeting the surgeon for the results, the phone rings while Xylon’s in the shower. I answer it. It is the oncologist’s rooms. They ask if we have the results of the biopsy. This time fear makes my stomach drop as I say, “Not yet.”

The nursing sister asks if I’d like her to share the results with me.

I have a split second debate about whether I should wait for Xylon to get out the shower and then think, ‘Let’s just get this over.’ I reply, “Yes, please.”

She says, “It’s not cancer. The doctor’s very happy.”

I’m sure she said something else but I didn’t hear it. I say goodbye and run through to the bathroom.

I scream at Xylon who is still showering, “It’s not cancer!”

Later, we go out to celebrate at Xylon’s favourite restaurant.

We celebrate because we know that life is a gift, and growing old is a privilege not everyone has.

We celebrate because we’re so thankful that God has healed Xylon. We don’t know why he healed him when others cries for healing go unanswered. We wrestle with that a lot.

My mom sent me Psalm 73 shortly after Xylon opened the scans in the airport. It helps me with some of the why doesn't God heal everyone questions I have, and I hope it will encourage you (I’ve included parts of it below, you can read the entire Psalm here):

Truly God is good to His people, Israel, to those with pure hearts.
Though I know this is true, I almost lost my footing; yes, my steps were on slippery ground.
You see, there was a time when I envied arrogant men and thought, “The wicked look pretty happy to me.”

For they seem to live carefree lives, free of suffering; their bodies are strong and healthy. They don’t know trouble as we do; they are not plagued with problems as the rest of us are.

But look at this: You are still holding my right hand; You have been all along.

Even though I was angry and hard-hearted, You gave me good advice; when it’s all over, You will receive me into Your glory.

For all my wanting, I don’t have anyone but You in heaven. There is nothing on earth that I desire other than You. I admit how broken I am in body and spirit, but God is my strength, and He will be mine forever.

But the closer I am to You, my God, the better because life with You is good. O Lord, the Eternal, You keep me safe— I will tell everyone what You have done.

I know so many of you follow this blog, and Xylon's story, and have prayed for us, so I wanted to tell everyone what God has done (again).

I hope that it will encourage some of you who are also living through impossible situations that God is still able.

{Share this post}

You can share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

Do you need faith for God to heal? (This women didn't think so and she got healed)

Why I know God is real (Xylon writes his own health update)
When your season of healing is longer and more painful then you ever imagined

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Words to pray if you need Jesus to be your strength today

2016-09-19T05:30:00.000+02:00

I don't make a living from blogging. It's a hobby. Something I do because I love writing and this gives me a reason to write consistently.

I've looked into turning this into a business but since I primarily write about finding hope in God when times are tough it just hasn't felt right. Every few months I make about $10 as an Amazon affiliate when you guys buy a book I've recommended. And I get all giddy because it means I've got a little stash of cash to buy a few books on Kindle sales.

A few months ago I signed up to webfluential (follow this link to sign up and I could get a bit more book money). I didn’t think anything would come from it and then recently I was approached by a pharmaceutical company to post a photo of me with my sourced strength written on my bicep (evidence of how weak I am physically).

I've never done a sponsored post on social media before but I thought, 'let me give it go.' I knew right from the moment of reading the brief that there was only one answer I could give to the question, what is your source of strength?

This is what I wrote:

When my husband, Xylon, was receiving treatment for cancer over the period of two years people who often come to me and said, “I don’t know how you do it, I couldn’t be so strong. Where do you get your inner strength from?” Much of the time I woke up each day and went through the motions in a blur but the only reason I had the courage to wake up each day was because of faith in Jesus that he redeems all things. My faith is my source of strength; it is what makes me a strong woman, and one who is not overcome by fear of what the future holds.

Originally I'd wanted to use a photo with "Jesus" written on my bicep. When I went to write the copy for it I put on my corporate marketing hat and went, "That will never get accepted." So I changed it to "faith" because I figured the story about Jesus helping me through my husband's cancer diagnosis and treatment were more important then writing “Jesus” on my arm.

I sent the picture to my Webfluential account manager and it took days to get an answer. She apologized and said it wasn't normal and that the post was with head office she wasn't sure why. I’m guessing that Jesus had something to do with that.

Right at the beginning, I decided that if I was going to do something for money it needed to fit in with what I believed and for me I really couldn't think of another way to answer a question about my source of strength. I tried to think of something else but I couldn’t because there is nothing, which is as strong when I'm weak, as Jesus.

These are some of the words I prayed when Xylon was going through treatment that gave me the strength to do the next thing:

Jesus you are our crutch and our hope. You hold us up when we’d rather curl up in a ball and rock ourselves to sleep. You make us smile when we feel like frowning. When we feel alone, Jesus, you remind us that you are still there with us. Even on the days when we don’t feel you are close we know that you are because you’ve promised to always be there. You have promised to give strength to the weary and change mourning into dancing – and we believe you do, you will, and you have. We ask that each day you will show up with new mercy, with enough strength for the next 24 hours.

* Affiliate links used in this post *

*****

Share on Twitter:

Words to pray if you need Jesus to be your strength today by @wendyvaneyck {Tweet This!}

*****

How to pray when you feel afraid

2016-05-04T18:22:00.000+02:00

When my husband Xylon was diagnosed with cancer there was so much I didn’t know.

We had never imagined we would spend our first two wedding anniversaries fighting for our marriage in oncology wards, while he received chemotherapy and then a bone marrow transplant.

Maybe the biggest thing I didn’t know was about how the fear of cancer never leaves.

How even after the Oncologist tells you they can find no sign of cancer, the creeping anxiety remains. Or how the smallest thing can set the fear off, a cold, the stomach flu, pins and needles. Common ailments that we all get, but when my husband has them it’s a fight not to succumb to the fear that the cancer is back.

This battle with fear isn’t isolated to cancer; it’s just that for us it is where it rears its head most at the moment. In the past I have had to fight the fear of losing my job, of not finding a job, of a family member dying in a car accident, a family member dying, of speaking in public, of failing…I think you get the idea.

I have become rather systematic now when I feel fear.

Instead of letting it overtake me I start fighting it. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 1:7, God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Any time I feel fear sneaking in, I remind myself that fear is not from God, that God is love, and that there is no fear in love (1 John 4:18) and then I fight fear with these 5 actions that I'm sharing over at iBelieve.com today.

Click here for 5 ways to pray right now to defeat fear

*****

Click here to tweet this post

When life feels out of control, pray this

2016-04-14T05:30:00.000+02:00

Let go of your concerns!

Then you will know that I am God.

I rule the nations.

I rule the earth.

Psalm 46:10 (GW)

So much of life is out of our control.

As I write this, my brother and sister-in-law are in hospital waiting to find out if their baby will be born 4-weeks early. Out of our control.

A friend is expecting to find out if she got a job she really wants. Out of our control.

Another friend is biding time till she get’s a phone call to say the child she is wants to adopt can come home. Out of our control.

This week, Xylon and I met with the oncologist for his quarterly check up. It was clear, but the results were out of our control.

I don’t know about you but I spend a lot of time and energy on things over which I have no control.

Which is why I loved this post by Seth Godin about all the events you weren’t there to control.

Godin writes about all the things that happened in the last week that you and I weren’t part of: weddings, investments, product launches and how all of those things still worked without us.

As I read it I felt like I could exhale.

It also made me feel really small, like who am I to think that I can control the outcomes of so many things I worry about?

Then it made me think about how big God is. And how God is looking after all these things that are out of my control.

You know what I realised? It isn’t my or your responsibility to control everything that happens.

Making good choices matters. Being their for friends and family matters. But when my need for control starts making trusting God to work things out hard then I need to remember this:

When my world is out of control, it isn’t out of God’s concern. (tweet this)

*****

A prayer to pray:

God we're scared!

We confess that we've tried to take control of situations that belong to you.

You know we often doubt that you are in control but we want to let go of our concerns, and be still.

We want to know you are God in the midst of my fears and anxieties.

Thank you that you are our refuge, our fortress and our God in whom we can trust.

Thank you for peace where there was anxiety.

Give us the freedom to live today knowing that whatever happens you will arm us with strength and keep our way secure.

Bible verses to remind you God is in control:

Psalm 91:1-2

2 Samuel 22:31-33

John 14:27

*****

Click here to tweet this post

5 ways to face hard well

2016-03-14T05:30:00.000+02:00

Hard. It happens to all of us. Later I hope for most. But it comes. Hard comes in the form of miscarriages, cancer, babies with challenges they’ll face for life, loss of loved ones, accidents, lack of finance, relationships that come unglued.

Hard, it can look different for each of us but it comes to all of us.

My hard came eight months after I stood under an umbrella and faced the man I loved with rain falling like confetti. Our hard came in the words of a doctor telling us my husband, Xylon, had advanced Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, a cancer of the immune system.

Our hard came in the form of poison being pumped through Xylon’s body, isolation wards where bone marrow was killed and stem cells reintroduced, radiation on a hard metal bed.

Our hard came as I trekked from visiting my brother in high care on one hospital floor and then walking up to visit my husband in oncology. Hard is like that. It rarely comes in neat packages that we can handle. It comes like a letterbomb and explodes all over our neat little lives.

Xylon has been cancer free for almost two years now but I still recall the feeling of hard well: the heaviness, the hopelessness, the struggle just to show up for others, for work, for life.

Right at the end of Xylon’s treatment I found a verse in Lamentations 3:28-29 while reading The Message Bible that I wished I’d found at the beginning of that hard journey.

Click here to read the rest of this post over at Beauty For Ashes

How do you live well when the life you’re living isn’t the one you expected?

2016-03-07T05:30:00.000+02:00

There are bible verses that we hear so often they begin to sound more like a cliché’s then promises that can change how we face everything.

2 Corinthians 12:9 sometimes feels that way to me. It’s the kind of verse that even people who have barely spent anytime in churches can finish if someone starts it for them, “My grace is sufficient for you…”

“…for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I’ve been thinking about this verse a lot since reading Kara Tippetts' latest book, And it was beautiful.

If you look at my copy you’ll see this underlined:

“Hard is grace too. Don’t imagine yourself in the future, because that is you without the grace provided for that moment. There is peace for this day, find it.”

I don’t know about you but I don’t think of hard as grace very often. I think I paid attention when Kara wrote this because she knew what it was to live hard, to have to draw on God’s strength in her weakness. In 2012, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and in March 2015 she passed away leaving four children and a husband behind.

I kept turning this quote over in my head.

Hard is grace.

There is grace provided for this moment.

Find peace for this day.

There is grace for the hard...

This quote from Kara drove me back to that old, tired verse in the Bible. To keep it fresh, this time I read it in The Voice,

“My grace is enough to cover and sustain you. My power is made perfect in weakness.” So ask me about my thorn, inquire about my weaknesses, and I will gladly go on and on—I would rather stake my claim in these and have the power of the Anointed One at home within me.

As I read this version I realised that this – this knowledge that as we weaken, Christ in us is able to become stronger, to be more visible – was the secret that Kara had to living well, when the life she was living wasn’t the living she expected.

Kara recognized that God would give her all the grace she needed to face the hard things that were coming. That is so easy to write but it must be hard to live but somehow she did, somehow she buried into God’s grace for the moment and found peace for each day.

Later, in the book Kara writes,

"This is my prayer right now – not for fewer days of suffering but for more days of strength”. (tweet this)

That is a brave prayer, that is a reckless prayer, it’s a prayer I’m not sure I’d have the courage to pray.

But maybe it’s the secret, maybe the secret to seeing grace in hard and finding peace for each day is not pray for less suffering but for more of Jesus, for more of his strength, for more God in our weakness.

*****

About 'And it was beautiful'

I was here. I saw beauty. I embraced it.— Kara Tippetts

How do you live out extravagant love in the everyday moments? How do you celebrate grace when your life turns out differently than the one you dreamed?

Kara Tippetts discovered how to find joy in the small moments of life. She learned how to hold tight to hope even while battling intense physical and emotional pain. And she lived out the truth that God can redeem any story.

In her final book, Kara offers gentle reflections on living and dying well. She invites us to cultivate soft hearts even when we face great disappointment. Her ideas for living are hard-won, wrestled with in the crucible of family, illness, and faith. And her constant reminder is that whether we are in the midst of dark days or mundane moments Jesus is always there, life is surprisingly beautiful, and God is forever good.

Click here to buy this book

*****

Disclaimer: I was provided with this book for free by the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links used in this post.

Click here to tweet this post

A word for 2016

2016-01-14T05:30:00.000+02:00

Where it all began

When I started this blog back in 2012, I wrote about finding God in the midst of cancer, but it's been almost two years since Xylon's last treatment and we're starting to peek out at the world and say, “Hey, is this what life is like after cancer treatment?”

This gap has left me wondering what to write here. I haven’t been sure how to write about God’s quiet presence through hard things when my life has been good. There have been the normal ups and downs but nothing like the darkness of those years of cancer treatment.

When all is said and done I've been trying to find my voice again. The post cancer treatment voice. You may have noticed that in the last year.

You may have picked up on how my writing didn’t flow so easily, how I lent heavily on things and experiences I’d had in the past, how I re-purposed writing for the blog instead of writing fresh about God in the midst of my mundane life.

Since I took a blogging break in September I’ve been praying about what to do with this blog. There has been no quick answer so I have just kept on writing while at the same time feeling that I needed to be writing posts that sound more like me (after all if we went for coffee I wouldn’t just talk about God and cancer all the time).

I didn’t know what these thoughts and prayers would look like on the blog, I definitely didn’t know how I would write it. And I didn’t know what the thread that would hold it all together would be.

Finding a thread

I was reading a book in December where the main character in the novel kept feeling that God was telling her to “Love well”. That really resonated with me. So I held it lightly in my heart and asked God whether it was something for me.

Most days when I went for a run I thought about this phrase, “Love well”. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of “well”. I liked that it meant healthy and beneficial as well as good and thorough.

I loved the link to that old hymn, It is well with my soul, and the fact that things can be well in our souls even when outside circumstances are tough.

Over the last few days and weeks I started trying “well” on and I found that I wanted the word to define more than just how I love this year.

“Well” has become a thread that I’m winding through my whole life and it’s something I want to start sharing on this blog.

What does this mean for ilovedevotionals?

It means you’ll be seeing a wider mix of posts on this blog. I’ll still post devotionals, but like a conversation over a bowl of popcorn, I’ll also share about other things I care about.

I often write on other sites and I can't wait to share snippets of that here. The topics are wide and varied and I hope you'll like them.

I’ve also been longing to share more about books that I love, or point to other writers blog posts.

I want to share about my journey to run 21km. And what I'm learning as I attempt this.

I want to have space to speak up about things that need to change, things I think Jesus would be speaking up about too.

I’m also going to be opening this space up for guest posts on the theme of “well” if you’re keen click through here to find out more.

A new website and an invitation

If you clicked through to the website to read this you’ll see that the site has had a bit of a facelift but there is still some much work to do on it.

Like this website, this new journey I’m on with the blog is a bit unfinished, it’s rough around the edges but I’d love to invite you to join me as I try to do “me well” this year.

My hope is that by the end of the year you’ll feel like you’ve come to know me, (even the crazy parts of me that you’ll wish I’d never shared).

And my prayer for us (borrowed from Psalm 90:12) as we embark on this journey together is this:

Oh! Teach us to live well! Teach us to live wisely and well!

What are your thoughts on some of the changes coming to the blog? What would you like to see more of?

3 truths to get you through the worst days of your life

2015-11-12T08:06:00.000+02:00

You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me,

for you, O God, are my fortress. Psalm 59:9 (NLT)

We were fresh off a plane from a six-week holiday backpacking round South East Asia when we heard words that would change the course of our lives.

The surgeon who just a few days before had biopsied a node under Xylon’s arm sat across from us and told us, “The results are clear. You have Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.”

We had so many questions. And so few of the questions that would give us the answers we desperately wanted.

Answers like:

Would he be okay?

Would he live?

Would cancer have the final say?

Doctors can’t give you answers to questions like that.

We left the office and I returned to work. Holding everything inside. Too afraid to speak the words, hoping that if I never said them out loud, they wouldn’t be true.

We heard those words, “The results are clear. You have Hodgkin’s Lymphoma,” or a variation of them, another four times since that first visit. The last time it turned out that the results weren’t clear, and Xylon has been cancer-free for 18 months.

Those are days – years really – that I never want to relive.

Many of those days were the worst days of my life.

Many times I wasn’t sure how I’d get through.

I only did because of God. I’ve written before about how I felt held by God. I don’t really know how to explain that but the feeling of being cupped in his hand was very real to me.

There was something else that got me through that was more than a feeling.

Many times feelings will not be enough to sustain you through dark days. (tweet this)

On those days you need to speak the truth even when you don’t feel it.

Here are 3 truths that helped me the worst days of my life:

God is with me

God is my strength

God is my security

There are many bible verses for each of these truths but there Psalm 59:9 helps me remember all three.

It starts with God, which makes me remember that he is always with me. Then it reminds me of his strength to rescue me, and his ability to protect and shield me.

I recently read a paraphrase of this verse, by Jennifer Rothschild, which I love:

God is your strength when you are weary.

He is your safe place when you are insecure.

Even though I'm no longer walking through the hard days of cancer I’ve been whispering this paraphrase to myself lately.

I’ve found speaking this truth when I’m feeling tired of having a hurting foot or when something happens at work that makes me feel insecure has helped me to remember that God is with me and with his strength I can do hard things.

Ponder: What gets you through the worst days?

Prayer: Lord, I’m feeling [name what you are feeling e.g. insecure, weak, afraid]. Help me remember that you are with me. Help me to lean on you when I feel weak and to remember that you are my security when everything is shifting.

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

Why You Will Survive The Worst Day Of Your Life

How I learned not to worry about tomorrow

Can God change my life?

When your Prince Charming isn’t who you think he is

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

When your season of healing is longer and more painful then you ever imagined, read this

2015-09-30T05:30:00.000+02:00

I won’t be posting a devotional every Monday and Thursday while we’re travelling but from time-to-time (if you’re a subscriber) you will find a post like this one with a few posts that I’ve loved reading and sharing on twitter over the last few months. I'm expecting to be back to sharing new devotionals from 19 October.

I thought this blogging break would be a good opportunity to share some of the posts I’ve been loving over the last few months and maybe introduce you to a few new writers and bloggers at the same time. Until I get back I won't be posting with my regular Monday and Thursday rhythm but you can expect a mail with a few links to things I've been enjoying reading every now and again.

Here are a few good reads about healing, wholeness and finding hope in suffering because sometimes healing takes longer and is more painful then we ever imagined. So here is some hope for the times when you feel like you’re falling to pieces:

Why the season you’re in is so complicated by Margaret Feinberg // Because Margaret has been there. She’s had cancer, and fought back with joy, so when she speaks about healing, it’s worth taking notice.

A dirt path and the beginning of hope by Bethany Suckrow // Because a season of healing doesn’t rarely means keeping up appearances.

All Our Crooked, Half-Healed Places by Addie Zierman // Because we can do some healing alone, but not all of it.

Jeremiah 29:11 Doesn’t Mean What You Think by Mary DeMuth // Because God does have good plans for you and sometimes it’s hard to remember that thriving in difficulties is part of that.

When you have hidden hollow places by Amber Haines // Because Amber writes beautiful truth for all of us who have hidden hollow places (isn't that all of us?)
Trigger warning: This post deals with abortion.

The truth that could make all the difference for you today by Jennifer Dukes Lee // Because Jesus wept. He didn’t just cry. He wept.

The God of Lost Things by Alia Joy // Because Hope is hard.

One more push by Alise Chaffins // Because one day we will all be held by the one who made us.
Trigger warning: This post deals with baby loss.

The Value Of Suffering (Part 2, 3, And 4) by Erika Morrison // Because even though I don’t understand it, pain is part of the point and plan by which we are healed, saved and continuously made right. And Erika helps me understand that.

If you’ve read anything that you’ve loved (or written something) you think I or my reader would enjoy please share a link in the comments and I'll take a look when I get back.

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

Do you need faith for God to heal? (or the story of a woman who gambled for healing)

When you're confused about why and who God heals, do this instead
Hope for the times when you feel like you're falling to pieces

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

One surprising thing I often forget to do in the good times

2015-09-03T15:43:00.001+02:00

Give thanks to God—he is good

and his love never quits. 1 Chronicles 16:34

A few hours before we were to see the doctor to get Xylon’s results of his scan I could feel the tension building in me.

I thought about all the previous meetings, about the last scare we had. I thought about how so many meetings with doctors have ended in hearing words I never want to hear uttered again.

As we walked in to see the Doctor she laughed apologetically and said, “This would be the day I forget my glasses. I’m having to squint to see what is written on the scan results and compare measurements.”

Then she told us, “But it’s all good. The measurements are all the same or decreasing. The areas we biopsied last time are still visible but we know those are reactive cells.”

I think she said something else but I wasn’t really listening. I was letting it sink in that Xylon is in remission.

I’m learning to give thanks to God even when I’m confused about why and who God heals.

I’m learning to thank God when something really cool happens like having a bible with 5 devotionals I wrote get delivered to my doorstep by Zondervan.

And I’m stopping and saying thank you for love that never quits when I see flowers opening after days of rain.

Thank you God for a dog that wags his tail like mad when he sees me.

Thanks God for food that nourishes me, for a roof that covers my head, for warm blankets, for…

Over the last few years I have learnt to say through the hard times that, “God is good and his love never quits.” (tweet this)

But now I'm learning that it is just as important to say “God is good and his love never quits” in the good times.

Ponder: What can you thank God for today?

Prayer: God, thank you for [name three things in your area of vision you can thank God for today].

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

Does God no longer love me if I have troubles?
One truth that could change your relationship with God (and everyone else you know)
When you need eyes to see God's love in hard things
Does it feel like God’s love has failed you?

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

How to dwell in peace on your most anxious days

2015-08-27T12:13:00.001+02:00

You will keep the peace, a perfect peace, for all who trust in You, for those who dedicate their hearts and minds to You. Isaiah 26:3 (VOICE)

Lately I’ve been seeing the word “Dwell” a lot.

I saw the word, “DWELL” painted on a sign while rushing through airport last week.

Then I saw it again on a billboard while I beat my fingers on the steering wheel in traffic.

I found it again in a graphic while browsing on line.
I even used it in the post I wrote on Monday.

I’ve learnt that when something keeps coming to my notice that God might be trying to tell me something. (tweet this)

Ironically, I haven’t had much time lately to stop and think about the word, “dwell”.

And I think that might be why God is trying to make me notice it.

After all “dwell” isn’t really a common word these days. I even had to look it up in the dictionary just to make sure I knew it’s meaning: to live (in a specified state)

Then this morning this verse in Isaiah 26:3 caught my attention, You will keep the peace, a perfect peace, for all who trust in You, for those who dedicate their hearts and minds to You.

Immediately after I read I thought: “DWELL”

It was like the word, dwell” and Isaiah 26:3 were meant to be together all along. A bit like caramel and salt. They are good on their own but together…yum!

I don’t know why but this verse made me think of living in a state of peace. A peace that isn’t of my own making but that comes from God, that comes from the one who hears our prayers saying, “Abba, I belong to you.”

I’m breathing this in today. I’m trying to dwell in this verse. I’m trying to let God dwell in my heart and bring peace.

God knows I needed this message today. Tomorrow, Xylon goes for his first scan post our scare 3 months ago. And I’ve found myself unceasingly praying for zero (again). We’ll only get the results on Monday and already I can feel anxiety building in body, tensing in my back.

But then there is this reminder to dwell away from anxiety, to dwell in peace:

I, Abba, will keep the peace, a perfect peace, for all who trust in Me, for those who dedicate their hearts and minds to Me.

For those who dwell in me.*

*Paraphrase my own

Ponder: I don’t know what kind of hard thing is stopping you from finding space to dwell today but I’d like to invite you to stop and take a moment to read this verse in Isaiah 26:3 again.

Prayer: Thank you that you will keep the peace, a perfect peace for all who trust in you. God, I dedicate my heart and mind to you. Help me to dwell in peace today. Amen.

I’m also sharing “A prayer for peace when you’re feeling worried” over at ibelieve.com this week so make sure to click this link to read that.

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

When you long for peace

If your life feels too random for God to be in control
What if God asks me to do something small, scary and stupid?
One way to read the bible (and one thing I've learnt about God by doing this)

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

How to feel hopeful on your most hopeless days

2015-08-10T08:38:00.000+02:00

We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us... Hebrews 6:19-20 (MSG)

The sun had already set when I pulled out our driveway to visit Xylon.

As I reversed I noticed 7 large metal symbols hanging vertically from the wall:

❤
H

❤
❤

As I drove to visit Xylon in the hospital my heart felt lighter the whole way, a little bit of hope had entered the dark thoughts in my head.

It was a few months ago, and we were waiting for results from a biopsy of some suspicious cells the doctors thought might be cancer.

Most days during that time, my friend Monica texted and asked how I was doing in the hope department.

Most days I told her I felt sad, angry, and had very little hope.

So when HOPE appeared on my wall I texted Monica, "Were you the one who left some hope on my wall?"

She replied instantly, "Was just typing: You see I "vandalised" your property? I bought my hope sign during the time we were waiting for a baby. It stands for me as a real testimony/victory as we've had to fight hard for our hope and our future.”

She continued, “The sign fell off the wall the day Xylon came for supper and Jesus said I should pass it on. I feel the tangible presence and strength of hope over you both."

I hung the sign by my door: a tangible symbol of the hope we have because of Jesus.

Each day I walk past it and I'm reminded of Hebrews 6:19-20 which says,
"We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. (tweet this)
It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us..."

Even on my most hopeless days I feel hopeful when I remember that hope is an unbreakable spiritual lifeline reaching right to the very presence of God and that Jesus is still reckless with hope.

Ponder: Do you know God as the one who gives hope?

Prayer: Lord, you are the hope for hopeless so I'm running to you with both hands and grabbing on to you. Fill me up with hope and give me a tangible reminder today that hope is an unbreakable spiritual lifeline. Amen.

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

The secret to finding hope
Hope for the times when you feel like you're falling to pieces
Five things to do when life is heavy and hard to take

When it’s hard to believe that hope is coming, read this

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | "hope sign" : Wendy van Eyck | Design: Wendy van Eyck

One helpful idea to help you cope with grief

2015-08-03T14:53:00.003+02:00

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? Psalm 8:2-4 (NIV)

Friday found me at a funeral.

My friends’ mom passed away from breast cancer this last week.

I didn’t know her very well. I think I only met her a couple of times in my teens and early twenties.
But I love her daughters.
And regrettably, I know cancer.
Because of that I felt a deep loss.

I don’t find funerals easy. Who does?

Many times I don't accept death gracefully.

I am angry at the pain I see in the residue of death.

I wonder why the young die, why the healthy die, why people suffer.

I feel angry when I forget that death is really just an invitation to a much better life: a life where there is no need for tears or tombstones or ambulance sirens.

Before and after the funeral I found myself staring at pictures of galaxies. This might just have been a co-incidence but personally I think God knew I would need it. Last week, I started working with a new client. They sell telescopes so there are plenty of pictures of the stars for me to wade through.

Click-after-click my eyes focused on a universe of beauty that God put in the sky just to shout out his praise.

As I looked at those images of stars they reminded me who God is.

I looked at the stars: the stars God strung just to astonish us, the stars He named to reveal His bigness, His majesty and His sovereignty and I remembered that God is not spiteful but awe-inspiring.

I thought about how He is both the man who wept for His friend and the God who breathes light out His mouth.

I considered the stars and remembered that they only burn so brightly because they are dying. As each star burns out and shoots across the sky, I am reminded that in each death I grieve, there is beauty and mystery, if I only choose to see it.

In each death, God is there if I only choose to see him. (tweet this)

For now, when I struggle with death, you’ll find me stargazing and looking for God.

Ponder: What are some mysteries of life and death you struggle with? What experiences remind you of God's sovereignty in light of those?

Prayer: God, I'm struggling with grief and I need you to come and show me you are with me. Thank you that I can look up at the stars every night and be reminded that you are large enough to handle my pain right now. Amen.

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

Why you can make it through the darkest days of your life
When you're confused about why and who God heals, do this instead
What to do when you no longer feel God’s presence

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Why you can make it through the darkest days of your life

2015-07-20T14:21:00.000+02:00

“This is what the Lord says: As I have brought all this great calamity on this people, so I will give them all the prosperity I have promised them. Once more fields will be bought in this land of which you say, ‘It is a desolate waste, without people or animals, for it has been given into the hands of the Babylonians. Fields will be bought for silver, and deeds will be signed, sealed and witnessed in the territory of Benjamin, in the villages around Jerusalem, in the towns of Judah and in the towns of the hill country, of the western foothills and of the Negev, because I will restore their fortunes declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 32:42-44 (MSG)

Our stories were written for God restore them.

I was thinking about this today as I commented to my husband that he needs a haircut.

It took months after his last chemotherapy treatment, and then radiation, for his hair to thicken and take on a healthy sheen again. It took months for it to grow to the point where it needed regular cutting again.

As I look at his head now I see there is life in follicles that seemed dead for good. His body is embracing life. Every cell is choosing to live.

I saw restoration in the bible today.

I was paging through the journal I kept when Xylon was first diagnosed with cancer.

I read through the words I wrote back in early 2012. There in my own handwriting I’d scrawled a promise in Jeremiah 32:42-22 I felt God gave me:

“This is what the Lord says: As I have brought all this great calamity on this people, so I will give them all the prosperity I have promised them. Once more fields will be bought in this land of which you say, ‘It is a desolate waste…Fields will be bought for silver, and deeds will be signed…because I will restore their fortunes declares the Lord.”

My thoughts just before reading this had been on friends of mine, two sisters, whose mother lies in hospital with cancer that is most likely in the end stages.

I’d been wondering what I could say to them that would help them get through some of the darkest days of their life.

And then I read this promise from the first few days of Xylon’s diagnosis and I was reminded that God restores.

I still push against the start of this verse, where it says, “I will bring this huge catastrophe on this people but…” For me it doesn’t make any sense that God could have any part of cancer (or any other life taking disease) but I also realise that I’m very small, and God is very big, and maybe I just don’t get a lot of stuff about who he is.

I don’t understand how God can restore many situations yet I’ve seen him bring my husbands hair back from the dead. I know that sounds like a crazy analogy but it’s real to me. It’s something I can feel and see and understand when so much of God’s work is a mystery.

This promises reminds me that I can make it through the dark times because I can hold onto the hope that at the end of it all God will take our tears and give us laughter, he will take our grief and turn it into wild dancing and weave flowers into our hair.

Our stories were written for God to restore them. {tweet this}

And if today all you feel like doing is crying your eyes out - that’s okay. Or if like me you feel like yelling at God and questioning his ways, that’s okay too.

One thing I’ve learnt is that it won’t last forever, that the dark days will give way to days of laughter, days where you will see hair grow where there was none, and gratitude pour from your mouth because of the God who has brought you through.

Ponder: Where have you seen a practical example something that you can see, touch and feel (like Xylon’s hair growing back) of God’s restoration in your life?

Prayer: Lord, I’m waiting for your restoration. Come quickly and breathe life into my broken places. Amen.

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.

I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{You might also like these posts}

God? Do you care about me?

Cancer comes only to steal and destroy

{Get my book - for free!}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

If you're wondering if your wildest dreams can come true, read this

2015-07-09T14:21:00.000+02:00

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Ephesians 3:20 (MSG)

I don’t know about you but sometimes I forget that God can do far more than I can ask or imagine.

I forget it even when I know throughout my life there are moments where things have happened that I never asked for, or never imagined and yet God has done them.

I’m learning that some of the best dreams you can live are the ones you can't even imagine right now. (tweet this)

My first “real” job as a TV producer is one of those times.

As a young teen I had crazy big dreams with God.

I thought I was going to be own a huge media empire.

Then my life took some twists and turns and this dream seemed stupid, naïve, adolescent.

A decade or so later I went to an interview and God reminded me of my media dream. It had revolved around a warehouse where young people and teenagers could hang out and discover that Jesus not only loved, but liked, them.

During the interview, I was told that the set for the TV show, which I would be working on, would be a warehouse.

On the drive home, I kept saying thanks to God and laughing.

I think God was laughing too.

My dream would have reached two or three hundred kids; God’s dream reached hundreds of thousands across the entire African continent.

My dreams were too small; God’s dreams were beyond my wildest imaginings.

That was the day I learnt God isn't limited by our small dreams. (tweet this)

Then there is my marriage. I never imagined being married to someone of a different culture and race to me. I never dreamt that within our first year of marriage we’d begin fighting cancer. It still seems unreal to me that a few weeks ago a biopsy on some lymph nodes that seemed cancerous came back with “NO cancer”.

I’ve been reflecting on some of the “wow” moments in my life. The moments when God has surprised me with something I never expected.

And it’s been growing my faith for the things that I barely dare to hope for right now, the things that seem far off.

Faith believes that impossible is just an opportunity for God to do something outrageous and beautiful and breathtaking.

I don’t know what the thing is in your life that looks impossible right now.

You might even burst out laughing at the thought of God doing something to change your circumstances.

I want to encourage you that even if it seems impossible God can still do it.

Even if right now you’re laughing. God can.

Even if you’re thinking there is no natural way it will happen. God can.

It is impossible…but God can do anything—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!

Ponder: Do you have dreams that you barely have hope for God to accomplish? I encourage you to write them down and then pray for them until you see God do more than you could imagine.

Prayer: God, you know those things in my heart that I barely dare to hope for, today I give them to you, I trust them to you, and ask that you because I know that you can do more than I could ever guess, imagine or request in wildest dreams. Amen.

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here.
I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{Get my book}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Does God no longer love me if I have troubles?

2015-07-06T12:03:00.001+02:00

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. Romans 8:35 & 37 (NLT)

My dad opened his Bible on Sunday and started to read from Psalm 73:

No doubt about it! God is good—good to good people, good to the good-hearted.

I played with threads on my top wondering where this was going.

But as for me, I nearly missed it, missed seeing his goodness.

I was looking the other way, looking at the people who seem have nothing to worry about, not a care in the whole wide world.

I envied those that prosper despite their wickedness.

They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong. They don’t have troubles like other people; they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else. These fat cats have everything their hearts could ever wish for!

I thought of all the dark thoughts Xylon and I have had about why Xylon had cancer and others who live less healthily don't.

I heard my dad’s voice continue reading but the words he read sounded like I sometimes do:

I started to question:

“What does God know?”

“Does the Most High even know what’s happening?”

"What’s going on here? Is God out to lunch?"

I’ve been stupid to play by the rules; what has it gotten me?

A long run of bad luck, that’s what—a slap in the face every time I walk out the door. Look at these wicked people— enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply. I get nothing but trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain.

If I had really spoken this way to others, I would have been a traitor to your goodness. If I’d have given in and talked like this, I would have betrayed your dear children.

So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is!

When I tried to figure it out, all I got was a splitting headache.

Until I entered the sanctuary of God then I saw the whole picture:

We wake up and rub our eyes. Nothing. There’s nothing to them. And there never was.

Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.

I was so foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.

As I listened to my dad’s deep voice I started to hear God speaking gently to me through the words of David, talking to me about how my heart had hardened towards him through all the ups and downs of Xylon’s cancer.

And then my father read these beautiful words:

Yet I still belong to you;

I’m still in your presence,

but you’ve taken my hand.

You wisely and tenderly lead me,

and then you bless me.

An echo of the promise “that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

I found my heart softening, I felt myself respond with David:

God, You’re all I want in heaven!

You’re all I want on earth!

When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,

God is rock-firm and faithful.

I’m in the very presence of God— oh, how refreshing it is!

I’ve made Lord God my home.

God, I’m telling the world what you do!

My dad closed his Bible but left me with an open heart.

I realised on Sunday that no matter what hard things are thrown my way, regardless of how many angry questions I hurl at God, I still belong to God. I am his. Nothing will ever change this.

This devotional is compilation of Psalm 73 from two translations of the bible, the New Living Translation and The Message. I used two versions to make the devotional read easily. I encourage you to read the original versions here. In case you’re interested, my Dad read entirely from the New Living Translation.

Ponder: What is God saying to you as these bible verses?

Prayer: Thank you God, that no matter what you and I go through I still belong to you. Amen.

{Share this post}

{Get my book}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

If you’re falling apart, read this

2015-07-02T14:14:00.003+02:00

I call out to High God, the God who holds me together.

Psalm 57:2 (MSG)

This may come as a shock – or relief – to some of you but I don’t read my Bible every day.

I used to, for years. Then I got married and my quiet time in the mornings became less routine.

Depending on your point of view, this might sound like a bad thing but it has actually been quite freeing for me.

I’m a very structured person. I like staying within the boundaries, obeying the rules, doing what people expect so removing the "law" of reading the Bible has helped me to experience God in new ways.

Sometimes I’ve pulled out my Bible in the middle of the day anxious to hear what God has for me.

Other times, I’ll think of a verse I memorized years ago and look it up.

And sometimes I’ll be doing nothing related seeking God when a thought about how God is in everything and connected to everything will go through my mind and I’ll end up googling madly for a chapter in the bible that speaks to that moment.

I’m sure many of you are the same.

Now that I’ve shattered any ideas you might have had about me spending hours reading the scripture I’m free write what I found in the Bible this morning.

I’ve challenged myself to read the Bible everyday for two weeks. I'm doing my normal method of reading until God speaks to me.

This morning I started with a chapter about David. I read through the whole thing but I didn’t feel God was speaking to me there.

I flipped to the Psalms and started reading Psalm 57.

This one line caught my attention:

I call out to High God, the God who holds me together.

I loved that. I loved the way it made me think of how before my parents even knew I was there God was knitting me together in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13).

My mind went back to all the times I wanted to fall apart during Xylon’s cancer treatments the last few years but I didn’t. Not because I was strong but because God held me together.

Since I was reading the Message version of the Bible I was interested in what the other versions said. They mostly said something along the lines of:

I will cry out God most high,

to God who accomplishes/performs all things for me.

Then I dug a little deeper and looked at a few discussions around the translation of these verses. The one I loved the most was by Charles Spurgeon:

Our translators have very properly inserted the words, "all things," for there is a blank in the Hebrew, as if it were a carte blanche, and you might write therein that the Lord would finish anything and everything which he has begun.

More modern versions seem to have replaced “all things” with “his purpose”.

I wondered what would have happened if the translators had just written:

I will cry out to God Most High,

To God who performs [fill in the blank] for me. (tweet this)

To God who performs miracles for me.

To God who accomplishes job hunting for me.

To God who performs healing for me.

To God who accomplishes fighting for me.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I wonder if God finishes what he starts.

As I read this verse I was reminded that when God who begins good work in me is faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6)

God who performs all things is holding me together.

When all things try to make me fall apart, God holds me together through all things.

Ponder: This is the bible verse that got my attention on God today. What bible verse have you read recently that did the same?

Prayer: Thank you Father, that when I’m falling apart I can rely on you to hold me together.

{Share this post}

Please share this devotional on twitter by clicking here. I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{Get my book}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Why you don't need to be defined by your past

2015-06-29T10:48:00.000+02:00

A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. John 10:10 (MSG)

It’s strange to think that two years ago, Xylon was ending a month of isolation in hospital after his stem cell transplant.

I remember how throughout that time I felt so helpless.

Every day I would leave him alone in the hospital. Lately, as Xylon and I went through the scare of possible recurrence (that turned out to be nothing) I’ve been thinking of those times.

And I’ve been thinking of this verse I memorized in my childhood:

“Cancer comes only to steal and destroy but I have come to so that you can have life, real and eternal life, more and better life then you have ever dreamed of.”

Okay, the bible doesn’t say cancer, it says thief, but cancer sure feels a lot like a cat burglar who takes what it wants and leaves destruction.

What I like about this verse is that it doesn’t end with the thief.

The words that come immediately after promise that Jesus has come so that we may life, and a better life than we ever dreamed of.

Every time I read these words hope shines through.

In this world, our troubles and sufferings might win but in God’s realm our story always ends with life.

Jesus wants you to know life as he imagined it. (tweet this)

I don’t know what that life looks like but I know that it is more joy, freedom, love and grace then I have ever experienced.

I love that Jesus spoke about life right after death because so often in the midst of suffering and grief I forget that the “thief” doesn’t have the last word.

The other night Xylon and I sat with a friend who recently went through a divorce. She related how for so long she felt that “divorced” defined her but she’s learning that isn’t who she is.

Xylon told me later how he sometimes feel defined as “cancer survivor” but that’s now who he is.

I don’t think that is how God sees our friend or Xylon as "divorced" or "cancer survivor" either.
I think God calls them:

Daughter

Son

Beloved

Redeemed

Captivating

Alive to live for God

I don't know what your "cancer" is, or what the thief has stolen from you, or what label you have begun to think defines you, but I do know that this is not how the story ends.

What you have lost is not the final word on your life, God has more for you. (tweet this)

I know because I’m realising that no matter how our stories begin, when Jesus is involved they always end with life, life and more life.

Ponder: What has happened in your life that has been a thief and stolen something from you? Do you have hope that God can restore what has been stolen with life, life and more life?

Prayer: Lord, I believe that you can give me hope where the thief has stolen from me. I thank you for life, life and more life that will spring out of places that I thought were dead. Amen

{Share this post}

{Get my book}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

When you're confused about why and who God heals, do this instead

2015-06-25T07:57:00.000+02:00

Taking a good look at [the ten lepers], Jesus said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.”

They went, and while still on their way, became clean. One of them, when he realized that he was healed, turned around and came back, shouting his gratitude, glorifying God. He kneeled at Jesus’ feet, so grateful. He couldn’t thank him enough—and he was a Samaritan. Luke 17:14-16 (MSG)

Xylon fingered some bumps on his right hand side, "I think I've got shingles."

I slid across the bed and stood next to him fingering the raised bumps, "It looks like shingles. You better get to a doctor tomorrow before we are away for a week."

I said it casually but fear had already made its way into my voice.

You see almost four years earlier Xylon had shingles, and a few months later he was diagnosed with lymphoma, a cancer that attacks the immune system.

We knew until Xylon's next scan over a month away from then that we would be fighting the enemy of our souls and the shadow of death that cancer opened the door too.

We prayed right there that night that the devil would not steal our rest or our joy from the next 10 days of holiday.

We were headed to the exact place where a year earlier Xylon had stood and experienced God healing him. The place where Xylon tells people he knew he no longer had cancer – not because of medicine – but because God heals.

Then we returned from our holiday and Xylon went for his biannual PET scan.

This is where the part about God healing my husband gets messy.

The next day the Oncologist phoned. "It looks like there has been a recurrence. You need to see a Haematologist about treatment options."

'Not this, not again,’ we thought.

The Haematologist gave us hope. Told us a biopsy would confirm whether or not it was cancer, that there was a 35% chance of a false positive on the PET scan.

We fought for joy. We tried to remember that we believed God had healed Xylon. We spoke about how all those weeks before we’d felt that the enemy of our souls was out to steal our joy, to take credit from God.

A week ago, we got the results of the biopsy and they showed, “No cancer”.

It would be easy for me to say, “I knew all along that it would be clear because I know God healed Xylon.”

It would be easy to say but it’s not true.

I doubted.

I let fear win many times while we waited for the results.

I know healing is complex.

I know God doesn’t heal everyone and I don’t understand why.

I love how Abby Norman puts it that her feelings about healing are more jumbled and complicated then she ever expected. I get that.

And I still doubt. I still wonder if what Xylon felt as God healing him truly was his creator reconfiguring cancerous cells. I guess it shows that maybe I don’t really trust God with our lives as much as I think I do.

But I’m not beating myself up about it. I don’t think God would want that. I think he would want me to like the one leper out of ten who realised they were healed and ran back to thank Jesus.

One leper out of the ten who didn’t wonder if this healing was forever.

One leper out of the ten who just saw healing in the moment and couldn’t wait to say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

One of the ten who says, “I don’t understand it but my heart is full of gratitude.”

One out of the ten who kneels at Jesus’ feet and can’t thank him enough for his gift of healing.

And there is the part of me who asks what if Xylon’s scan wasn’t clear? What would I be writing then? How would I fight back with joy then?

I hope like Margaret Feinberg I’d be able to say that "Praise wins the battle. Every. Single. Time." (tweet this)

Ponder: What are your feelings about healing? Have you experienced healing from God before? Are you still waiting for him to heal?

Prayer: Thank you, thank you, thank you, God.

{Share this post}

{Get my book}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

How to laugh in the face of the fear

2015-06-22T01:30:00.000+02:00

She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25 (NLT)

“She laughs.”

This has long been one of my favourite bible verses.

She laughs without fear of the future.

Recently, as it seemed that Xylon's cancer had recurred, (please read this post from last Thursday for an update on Xylon's health and #prayforzero), I struggled with this verse as I spoke to God about what the future might look like.

I asked God, "How? How can I laugh without fear at the days ahead?"

How can I laugh in the face of cancer?

How can I be fearless in a world where people are shot because of the colour of their skin?

How can I have courage to [fill in the blank with a plethora of terrifying things]?

My husband and I have been speaking about fear a lot in our house lately: a possible 4th diagnosis of cancer tends to do that.

Xylon told me how he lay awake in bed one night talking to God and how he felt all his fear disappear: his fear of dying, his fear of the cancer coming back, his fear of not being there for me.

And then Xylon said he realized that fear is not from God.

The enemy of our souls is fear.

It reminded me of something I once read about how we become subject to our fears. How the fear we had finds a way to rule our lives.

It shook me when I read it years ago, it shakes me now.

I don't want my future subject to fear.

I want my future to be subject to God.

Which brings me back to walking the dog in the field below our house and asking God, "How? How do I laugh without fear of the future?"

I didn't get an answer that day but I'm working on it. I'm massaging the message into my soul.

I'm praying that when fear creeps in that God will help me fight back with joy.

I'm reminding myself that my master is love, not fear. And that there is no fear in love.

To be honest, I'm not yet laughing without fear but I am learning to look it in the face and say, "Fear, you're not wanted here." (tweet this)

And I think that is a start.

Ponder: Where are you on the journey of living without fear of the future? Please share your stories and tools in the comments.

Prayer: Fear, you are not wanted here. In Jesus name I'm telling you to leave. God, in the place of fear I ask you would flood my soul with love and help me fight fear back with joy. Teach me how to laugh without fear at the days ahead. Amen.

{Share this post}

{Get my book}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Why I know God is real (Xylon writes his own health update)

2015-06-18T13:09:00.001+02:00

A note from Wendy: I asked Xylon if he'd share on my blog today. The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for us. Hearing yesterday that the biopsy showed zero cancer was the best news I think we may ever have received. We are so grateful to God for this undeserved mercy.

We have been so touched and humbled by people all over the world who have joined in #prayforzero. Your encouraging words and prayers have made a difference. Thank you.

Here's some of what Xylon has been thinking and feeling during this time:

We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! Romans 5:4 (MSG)

The scan was a horrible experience, again.

From the moment I made the appointment, it didn’t feel right. Having to fly to Johannesburg to do my bi-annual cancer check up scan, I fought with the nurse about arrival times. I didn’t want to be there.

While doing the scan, everything felt dark. They wanted a follow up ultrasound. When I saw the words “ultrasound-liver”, “ultrasound-spleen” and “ultrasound-neck”, my heart sank.

But that was nothing compared to when we got the news that the disease has recurred. That’s what our oncologist said. Then he went on to talk about treatment options. I first thought, ‘what a horrible job he’s got’.

Then my world came crashing down.

After a day of depression, I talked with Wendy about refusing further treatment and rather looking into alternative methods. Ultimately, what it lead to was a whole lot of broccoli, and trust in God that He healed me before, and a belief that because of that, there is no ways the cancer could be back.

I don’t understand God.

In recent years, I’ve re-written who God is in my head several times. But it’s never changed who He is in my heart. {tweet this}

I haven’t been great at giving God the attention He deserves. Yet here He was, creator of the universe, screaming out for my attention. Little old (not that old) me.

God used several people - people I have never met - to tell me to have hope and confidence. My faith grew.

By the time the follow up biopsy results arrived, I knew the doctors expected cancer, but I had so much faith in God that it would be negative, I didn’t even flinch.

I lie.

I’m human.

I was super nervous.

But I had a belief that is difficult to explain.

I just knew the results would be negative.

When I was young, I had a friend who died of cancer. I asked a youth pastor at the time how God could allow for this to happen as my friend loved God so much. The young pastor told me God wanted my friend to die having faith. That has always bugged me. That God sucks and I don’t believe in him. What the youth pastor should have said is, “I don’t know, Xylon.”

I still don’t understand God.

I’m re-writing Him in my head.

I only have a few opening lines followed by several blank pages.

All I know is, God is real.

How else can God ask a person I have never met to pray for me on the day the doctor said the disease has recurred?

God is screaming out for my attention.
I hope I will listen more than I have in the past.

Ponder: Why do you believe God is real?

Prayer: Lord, help me to shout your praise even when I am hemmed in troubles. Keep me alert to whatever you are doing next. Amen.

{Share this post}

You can share this devotional on twitter by clicking here. I’d also love for you to connect with me on my Facebook, pinterest and twitter pages or if you're viewing this via email you can leave a comment by clicking here.

{Get my book}

In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Thursday.

Photo Credit (Creative Commons): UnSplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

The difference encouraging words make

2015-06-08T14:30:00.000+02:00

Note from Wendy: My computer (and I) had a bit of a meltdown today so I haven’t been able to do any graphics for today’s post but I’m sending it out anyway. I will also be taking a break from posting a devotional this Thursday and Monday (11 & 15 June) and will post again on the 18th.

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (MSG)

There were times at the oncologist ten days ago when I just wanted to put my fingers in my ears and hum.

"So many young people with dreadful diseases," the surgeon says. I want to yell right there in his office that hasn't been redecorated in 15 years.

I am never far from crying these days. Tears have made their home in my eyes.

The last two weeks have been hard. All the medical stuff alone would have been hard but the travel for work has made it almost unbearable.

This week doesn't promise to be much easier. Xylon has his surgery on Tuesday, spends the night in hospital and then early the next week we should get the results.

In the tough moments of the last week I've loved knowing that so many of you are praying with us, for us.

I'm so grateful for everyone who has let me know they are part of #prayforzero.

It's so great to know that we are not alone, that there are people I've never met in the USA, Australia, Kenya and India praying hopeful prayers with us, praying get-them-through-this prayers for us.

During my 5th flight in 7 days I read a few chapters in a book I'm reading on prayer by Xxx. He wrote about meeting Pope Francis and asking him what prayer meant to him. And he wrote how when the pope left he turned to author and said, "pray for me". Twice.

We are all in need of prayer. {tweet this}

The same night I read a blog post by Holley Gerth where she wrote about how it's okay not to have it all together. Even if you're the person everyone else always relies on.

It's okay.

I've been so encouraged by all the people praying for me that I thought what if I turned my page into a place of prayer today. If you need prayer just leave a comment. You don't need to give details if you don't want too.

Then take the time to pray at least one other person who has commented. And then leave a comment for them to let them know you're praying.

Ponder: When was the last time you let someone know you were praying for them? When was the last time you prayed on someone else's behalf?

Prayer: Lord, I pray for all my readers today. May they find you in unexpected places and may you pursue them in surprising ways. Take them to the place of your greatest blessing for their lives. Amen.

Prayer: God, we don’t know what to do, but our are eyes on you. Amen.

{Share this post}

{Get my book}

7 reminders not to give up hope

2015-06-04T03:30:00.000+02:00

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24-25 (NIV)

Hope is a fragile thing. (tweet this)

Hope is hard to wrap your heart around. Just when I think that I’ve got it, that hope has found a place right there next to Jesus I begin to feel hopeless.

The last few weeks there have been times when hope has been the only thing getting me through.

Xylon and I have been clinging to hope. He's been reading the bible for mentions of it and sharing them with me as he finds them.

Last night he told me about this verse he saw on my mom's Facebook page:

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I guess that’s why I write so much about hope on this site because I know that most days hope is what I need to see tomorrow. I imagine many of you feel the same way.

One thing I’ve learnt in the three years since Xylon’s initial cancer diagnosis is that when the rest of the world is saying there’s no hope, Jesus is standing there saying, “They’re wrong.”

When everyone else is questioning if Jesus really cares about the hard things we’re going through, I listen for his voice declaring, “Don’t listen to them; just trust me.”

When everyone else is saying, “You have no hope!” Jesus is saying, “I am your hope!” (tweet this)

As I listen to the whispers of Jesus I find hope rising in unexpected places.

If you need a whisper of hope today may you find it in one of these devotionals: (tweet this)

If you’re wondering if Jesus is still reckless with hope then read this.

If it’s hard to believe that hope is coming I wrote this for you.

If you can’t seem to crack the secret for finding and keeping hope then follow this link.

If you’re falling to pieces and need hope then this one is for you.

If curling up under a duvet seems like the best thing to do then I hope you read this post by Ruth Garner with your head on the pillow.

If you’ve made a mess of life and need hope then read the words my Dad wrote.

If life is heavy and hard to take then read this and discover 5 things you can do about it.

{Share this post}

{Get my book}

Photo Credit (Creative Commons): Field of Daisies: xlt.lv Barefeet: Merra Marie Curtsy: Danielle Moler | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

When the only way out is a miracle (and an invitation to #prayforzero)

2015-06-01T04:30:00.000+02:00

In their distress, they called out to the Eternal,

and He saved them from their misery.

He gave the order and healed them

and rescued them from certain death.

Psalm 107:19-20 (VOICE)

This past week has been pretty crazy for me. Aside from dealing with all the emotions that come with the results of Xylon's last scan (you can read this post if you missed that update) I've also been traveling a lot for work.

I only have to travel half a dozen times a year for work but have 3 back-to-back trips in a 10-day period. Not. Great. Timing.

On Friday, I flew home for 24-hours to see the oncologist with Xylon and go through the scan results and treatment options in person.

Xylon sent this message out to family and close friends:

Just saw the oncologist. There is a 65% chance it's cancer and a 35% chance it's not. The next step is to see the surgeon who will cut out one of the lesions and test it. They will make an appointment for us next week. We fully trust God, so if you could too and pray, that will be great. Fully believe we are going to witness a miracle here.

I walked out the doctors’ office after hearing there is a chance this isn't cancer and said, "God, it's your time to shine."

I know that if this test comes back negative it'll be 100% a God miracle.

At the same time my faith feels so small right now. And I’m so glad that the burden of healing sits on God’s shoulders and not mine.

I’m clinging to the bible verses, like Psalm 107:19-20 that talk about how God heals:

In their distress, they called out to the Eternal, and He saved them from their misery.He gave the order and healed them and rescued them from certain death.

And at the same time struggling with the fact that God doesn’t heal everyone.

When I do find the words to pray they sound a lot like, “Lord, help me in my unbelief.”

We see the surgeon on Wednesday (in another 24-hour gap when I’m home) and then surgery will be scheduled. The lymph nodes they have to cut out are in awkward places this time and not palpable to touch so surgery is unavoidable to get a diagnosis.

Please join Xylon and I and #prayforzero (zero cancer) in this biopsy. {tweet this}

Here are four devotionals I’ve written in the past that I’ve felt the need to re-read in the last week. Maybe they’ll encourage you, if like me you’re struggling with worry, doubt and weariness:

When you can’t rely on your strength
When you’re hanging onto the end of the rope
Will everything be okay?
When worry clouds your vision

{Share this post}

{Get my book}

Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Wood: stocker Robin: blmiers2 Girl: unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Where is God when bad things happen? (an update on Xylon’s health)

2015-05-25T05:30:00.000+02:00

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV)

I’ve been crying bitter tears since Thursday.

On Wednesday the doctor told us that Xylon’s cancer has recurred.

It took me 24 hours before I cried. And then it was sobs right onto my husband’s chest.

God was meant to have healed Xylon this time. This is not the story he is meant to be living. Not the way I thought our story would be.

Every morning since Wednesday we’ve woken up hoping that this recurrence was just a bad dream. But every morning we realise this is our life, again.

There are still treatment options (if we choose to pursue them).

Right now I’m just sad. And a little angry to be in this place again (for the fourth time).

I'm struggling to find hope, to find God, in all of this.

I’ve always tried to share our story as honestly as I can.

I’ve always tried to portray that faith in God is not an easy thing. That being a Christian isn’t about appearing perfect or like you have it all together.

And that believing in Jesus doesn’t mean that you get rescued from bad stuff just that he is there with you in it.

I still believe all of this. Even though right now it’s hard to live it out.

So I’m just going to let my heart bleed here for today’s post.

I have very few words. Xylon and I both do. Mostly we just hug.

Most of the words, I can think of, are promises that I don’t know if we can fulfill, so I’d rather just let him know I’m there. Maybe that is how God feels right now too.

I don’t know what to pray. Xylon says he can’t speak to God right now. I get that.

I’m just defaulting to, “God, we don’t know what to do, but our are eyes on you.”

I guess, the honest truth is there are some places I don’t want to go – even with God. They are places I can’t imagine going without him, but that doesn’t mean I’m jumping up and down like a kid saying, “pick me, pick me!”

I’m still praying for a miracle. You can join us in that if you’d like. Let’s #prayforzero (zero cancer). (tweet this)

Because despite all of this, I still believe that God is a healer, that he is a God of the impossible, and that he can heal Xylon.

I just don’t always understand why he hasn’t yet.

Ponder: What helps you understand God in the midst of disappointment in your life?

Prayer: God, we don’t know what to do, but our are eyes on you. Amen.

{Share this post}

{Get my book}

Photo Credit (Creative Commons): unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck