When you need to take a leap of faith

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Look at the birds in the sky. They do not store food for winter. They don't plant gardens. They do not sow or reap—and yet, they are always fed because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are even more precious to Him than a beautiful bird. If He looks after them, of course He will look after you. Matthew 6:26 (VOICE)

When I resigned from my job Xylon told me, "You have to take a month off. Before you look for work or think of the next thing, you must take May to rest."

I loved the idea and I hated it.
I leaned into the idea of days reading books and I pushed against the idea of not contributing to costs.
I began jotting down a list of hobbies I wanted to try and I wrote lists of potential clients to approach for freelance work.
I collected a pile of books to read and I started studying a free part-time course to be a better digital marketer.
I submitted and I resisted.

The last day at my job fell on Wednesday.
Thursday, a country-wide holiday to commemorate the first democratic vote in South Africa,  started like a holiday should. Breakfast with my parents - in town for a dentist visit – and a cardboard box tied with string and filled with cheesecake to take home for an after dinner treat.

However, a few hours into my first day of holiday I felt overwhelmed by the idea of a month of rest stretching ahead of me.
I found Xylon working on his Mountain Bike in the garage, "What am I going to do with one whole month of doing nothing?"
As he reached for a tool to tighten the water cage on his bike, he responded, "You'll figure it out. Before long you’ll have more things to do than you have time."
A few minutes later, he rides off to meet his cousin.

I looked around the garage for a project and spotted an old piece of driftwood I had rescued from the beach months ago. It seemed like a good place to start so I dragged it outside and collected my tools.

As I moved the wire brush backward and forwards to remove the dirt and old bark, I thought about this month: The value of it. The weight of it. The preciousness of it. How I don’t want to waste it. And how I really don’t want to waste it by worrying.

I know it's unlikely I'll get this gift again: a full month to take care of myself, to recover from burnout, to refresh my soul.

Every time I mention I worry about the future, Xylon tells me how every other day God shows him an animal that isn't worrying about where its next meal will come from. He keeps reminding me we need to be more like the animals and birds, more trusting that God will take care of us.

Brush. Brush. Blow the sawdust away and start again on another section of driftwood.

As I worked to find the beauty in the wood it came to me how I need to spend this month. I need to live as if come 1 June I have 3 golden clients waiting for me to start working with them. I have to live this month secure that Xylon and God will take care of me.

You see we can't really afford to live on one salary so I know when Xylon says, "rest" it costs him something.

What it's taken me over a month to realize is that when I say, "Yes, I’ll rest", it pays Xylon back in trust and respect. And to him, that's worth the extra hours he'll have to put in to pay the bills.

When I say "yes", and allow myself time to refresh my soul after burning out, I'm showing God I believe He will take care of me.

It is scary! I have had to fight the part of me that wants to write proposals for clients, make meetings and guarantee an income in June.

If it wasn't scary there would be no need to take a leap of faith and believe I am even more precious to God than a beautiful bird. If He looks after them, of course, He will look after me!

Brush, brush. Whispering a prayer as I go that God will help me live with confidence that he is taking care of the future even as I rest in Him.

Ponder: What areas in your life do you need to take a leap of faith in right now and trust that God will provide for you?

Prayer: God, I'm scared. I don't know how [fill in your worry] will turn out. You know how much I want to take control of the situation, how much I want to fix it but instead, I am choosing to trust you. I am choosing to live with confidence that you will look after me. Help me to rest in you today and when the time is right to know which doors you want me to knock on. Thank you for taking such good care of me. Amen.

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