How to guarantee you’ll never feel like a failure
for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done,
and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.
Galatians 6:4 (NLT)
I’ve been running for
about 3 years now. I have never called myself a runner though.
In my mind runners are fast. They move gracefully past me at
races. Their shoes and running clothes are coordinated and they don’t have to
be ashamed of their running times.
I don’t do any of those things. I’m in the back 10% of the
pack and frequently have people walk past me.
At races I often speak to myself, “Don’t worry that you’re at the back you’re running a race in a town
that hosts IronMan. All these people can run a 10km after swim and a run.
Relax. Just put one foot in front of the other.”
While that self-talk
might be true it doesn’t do much to stop me feeling like a failure.
Recently, I posted a pic of my running shoes on Instagram. My
original plan had been to post a picture of my distance and pace too. However
when the time came I chickened out. I didn’t do it because my 5k time was slow
and I felt like a failure. I worried
about what others would think of me.
You see I know a lot of people who follow me on social media
run. And I’ve run with some of them or seen them post about their running and
they run farther and faster than me. When I compare myself to them I feel like
a failure.
I've been so worried about
being compared to others and not measuring up that I almost injured myself.
I'm following a half-marathon running programme that includes
pacing based on my current 10k race times. I started off running 12% faster
than their guidelines. The first few pace guidelines were slow enough to walk
the distance in the time. I didn't want someone to see me running the slow pace
they suggested and think, 'Wow, she's a slow runner.'
Instead what happened is I ran faster. And I found myself
stiff and sore. I could feel my ITB's tightening up. You see, I've done this
before; it’s part of my tried and failed to run a 21k story (at least twice).
The narrative is the same every time. I run for a few weeks than my ITB's
become so sore that even when I'm sitting they ache. When I eventually head to physio
they tell me they feel like finely tuned guitar strings ready to snap at any
moment. And the physio makes me stop running. After 10 days I can run a few km
every other day. And by the time I’m back to running any distance the race I
was training for has come and gone.
This time I set out to do things differently. I have a plan
that allows to progress at a healthy pace. I have stretches that I do after my
runs. I have a foam roller. I warm up and cool down.
But then comparison
came and made me feel like a failure.
And I threw all the things out that I knew were good for me out to prove to people (most of whom I don’t even know) that I’m as good as they are.
You know what I'm
talking about; comparison is that insane feeling that you need to keep up with
the Jones’. Even if the Jones’ happen to be Olympic Marathon runners.
Or Bill and Melinda
Gates.
Or Taylor Swift.
Or the girl you knew
back in High School.
What I'm learning about
comparison is that it hurts me more than it hurts others. << Tweet this
Did it hurt any of you that I didn't post my slow times publicly? No.
Did it hurt me that I ran faster than I should have? Yes.
In fact, it almost stopped me from achieving my goal (again).
So much of what we post on social media is driven by comparison.
I think it's why I curate a perfect looking life rather than the one I actually
live. I don't spend every day on the beach. I spend most days in a small, messy
office that has what looks like someone dragged a garbage bag through the
middle of it – thanks to a teenage Giant Schnauzer having to entertain himself
while I work.
We’ve all seen the
famous quote by Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” but it’s
true isn’t it?
Comparison is the thief of so much more than just joy in our lives.
If you want to
guarantee that you’ll never feel like a failure, you need to stop comparing your
achievements to others. << Tweet this
After my ITB’s almost gave in on me, I slowed down. I started
following the guide paces even if they felt too slow. Do you know what? I’ve
enjoyed running way more since then. I haven’t been in pain and I am getting
faster.
And I’m no longer
feeling like a failure.
I’m feeling (dare I
write it?) like a runner.
