Why I know God is real (Xylon writes his own health update)

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A note from Wendy: I asked Xylon if he'd share on my blog today. The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for us. Hearing yesterday that the biopsy showed zero cancer was the best news I think we may ever have received. We are so grateful to God for this undeserved mercy. 

We have been so touched and humbled by people all over the world who have joined in #prayforzero. Your encouraging words and prayers have made a difference. Thank you. 

Here's some of what Xylon has been thinking and feeling during this time:

Romans 5vs4
We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! Romans 5:4 (MSG)

The scan was a horrible experience, again. 

From the moment I made the appointment, it didn’t feel right. Having to fly to Johannesburg to do my bi-annual cancer check up scan, I fought with the nurse about arrival times. I didn’t want to be there.

While doing the scan, everything felt dark. They wanted a follow up ultrasound. When I saw the words “ultrasound-liver”, “ultrasound-spleen” and “ultrasound-neck”, my heart sank. 

But that was nothing compared to when we got the news that the disease has recurred. That’s what our oncologist said. Then he went on to talk about treatment options. I first thought, ‘what a horrible job he’s got’. 

Then my world came crashing down.

After a day of depression, I talked with Wendy about refusing further treatment and rather looking into alternative methods. Ultimately, what it lead to was a whole lot of broccoli, and trust in God that He healed me before, and a belief that because of that, there is no ways the cancer could be back. 

I don’t understand God. 

In recent years, I’ve re-written who God is in my head several times. But it’s never changed who He is in my heart. {tweet this}

Who is GodI haven’t been great at giving God the attention He deserves. Yet here He was, creator of the universe, screaming out for my attention. Little old (not that old) me. 

God used several people - people I have never met - to tell me to have hope and confidence. My faith grew. 

By the time the follow up biopsy results arrived, I knew the doctors expected cancer, but I had so much faith in God that it would be negative, I didn’t even flinch. 
I lie. 
I’m human. 
I was super nervous. 
But I had a belief that is difficult to explain. 
I just knew the results would be negative. 

When I was young, I had a friend who died of cancer. I asked a youth pastor at the time how God could allow for this to happen as my friend loved God so much. The young pastor told me God wanted my friend to die having faith. That has always bugged me. That God sucks and I don’t believe in him. What the youth pastor should have said is, “I don’t know, Xylon.”

I still don’t understand God. 
I’m re-writing Him in my head. 
I only have a few opening lines followed by several blank pages. 
All I know is, God is real. 
How else can God ask a person I have never met to pray for me on the day the doctor said the disease has recurred? 

God is screaming out for my attention.
I hope I will listen more than I have in the past. 

Ponder: Why do you believe God is real? 

Prayer: Lord, help me to shout your praise even when I am hemmed in troubles. Keep me alert to whatever you are doing next. Amen.

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Photo Credit (Creative Commons): UnSplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

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