Where is God when bad things happen? (an update on Xylon’s health)

5:30 am Unknown 0 Comments

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV)

I’ve been crying bitter tears since Thursday.

On Wednesday the doctor told us that Xylon’s cancer has recurred. 

It took me 24 hours before I cried. And then it was sobs right onto my husband’s chest. 

God was meant to have healed Xylon this time. This is not the story he is meant to be living. Not the way I thought our story would be. 

Every morning since Wednesday we’ve woken up hoping that this recurrence was just a bad dream. But every morning we realise this is our life, again.

There are still treatment options (if we choose to pursue them).

Right now I’m just sad. And a little angry to be in this place again (for the fourth time).

I'm struggling to find hope, to find God, in all of this. 

I’ve always tried to share our story as honestly as I can. 
I’ve always tried to portray that faith in God is not an easy thing. That being a Christian isn’t about appearing perfect or like you have it all together. 
And that believing in Jesus doesn’t mean that you get rescued from bad stuff just that he is there with you in it

I still believe all of this. Even though right now it’s hard to live it out. 

So I’m just going to let my heart bleed here for today’s post. 

I have very few words. Xylon and I both do. Mostly we just hug. 

Most of the words, I can think of, are promises that I don’t know if we can fulfill, so I’d rather just let him know I’m there. Maybe that is how God feels right now too. 

I don’t know what to pray. Xylon says he can’t speak to God right now. I get that. 

I guess, the honest truth is there are some places I don’t want to go – even with God. They are places I can’t imagine going without him, but that doesn’t mean I’m jumping up and down like a kid saying, “pick me, pick me!” 

I’m still praying for a miracle. You can join us in that if you’d like. Let’s #prayforzero (zero cancer). (tweet this)

Because despite all of this, I still believe that God is a healer, that he is a God of the impossible, and that he can heal Xylon. 

I just don’t always understand why he hasn’t yet. 

Ponder: What helps you understand God in the midst of disappointment in your life?

Prayer: God, we don’t know what to do, but our are eyes on you. Amen.

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Photo Credit (Creative Commons): unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

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