What to remember when God is silent

7:35 am Wendy van Eyck 0 Comments

When God is silent
But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works. Psalm 73:28 (ESV)

Xylon is having another scan today. 

It should just be a routine one. It should just be another clear scan. It should be the second clear scan after 18 chemo sessions, a stem cell transplant and 20 radiation appointments.

But "shoulds” don't hold a lot of weight when it comes to cancer. 

Even faith sometimes struggles to make the nagging fears that this part of our story isn’t finished.

Add to all of this the stress of moving house, and town, and renovating. And all of it can feel quite debilitating.

Over the years we've learnt that these scans are stressful times for us. I know I begin snapping for no reason. I know that Xylon and I have less grace for the other. And I know that we'll probably end up arguing about something silly.

I also know that my presence matters during these times. I've learnt there aren't words to say in these days. 

I've discovered that sometimes silence and a hug are the best way to say, "I'm with you. We'll get through this."

I don’t say a lot but I’m there. 

What to do when God is silentSometimes I'll burrow in as close as I can to Xylon and let our hopes and fears tighten around us. Other times, I'll keep myself busy in the lounge or kitchen because I can tell he needs the space and time to process, to be alone.

And all of this has got me thinking about God and his presence in my life.

I sometimes mistake God's silence for his absence. (tweet this

Sometimes I think God is only present when I can feel him but maybe God is with me all the time. 

Maybe when it's quiet it's because God's sitting beside me, sharing the experience that words are inadequate for. 

Perhaps God is simply keeping himself busy in the other room but that doesn’t mean he isn’t with me. 

What I'm learning is that God is never to far away to hear me say, "Can you come sit with me awhile?"

And sometimes God’s presence is the quiet, silent type that means more than a thousand words. (tweet this

Ponder: Do you believe that God is always with you even when you can't see, hear or feel him?

Prayer: Thank you for always being near enough to hear my cry.


I'm turning 32 on 2 November. And would like to ask you to give at least R32 ($3,20 or 2EUROS) in lieu of a birthday gift to help fund a bicycle for kid who walk 5km or more to school. 

I’m blown away that together we’ve funded one and a half bicycles but let’s keep going! 

If you’re up for it (and live in South Africa) you can donate here via EFT or credit card. 
If you live outside of South Africa and would like to donate please follow this link so you can donate in your own currency and just put “For Wendy’s birthday” in the note box. Or you can donate via paypal: donate@qhubeka.org and put “Wendy’s birthday” as a reference. 

If you'd like to know more about how Qhubeka changes lives with bicycles go to http://www.qhubeka.org/

Find out more about why I want to do this here

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Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Gratisography.com and unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

It’s (almost) my Birthday and I need your help

10:28 am Wendy van Eyck 0 Comments

bible verse about poverty
Look around you: Everything you see is God’s—the heavens above and beyond, the Earth, and everything on it…God, your God, is the God of all gods, he’s the Master of all masters, a God immense and powerful and awesome. He doesn’t play favorites, takes no bribes, makes sure orphans and widows are treated fairly, takes loving care of foreigners by seeing that they get food and clothing. Deuteronomy 10:14, 17-18 (MSG)

Currently my life is consumed with two things: 
1) packing up and moving house 
2) sifting through photos and telling stories for a non-profit, called Qhubeka, of half a million kids in South Africa who walk for an hour or more to school each day.

As I've been packing I've realised how much stuff I have. And how I don't need anything more. With my birthday less than a week away I've decided to ask people help me fund a bicycle for kids who have to walk to school rather than give me gifts.

As a kid I was privileged to have parents that fetched and carried me to school. Many kids in South Africa don't have that privilege. They walk to school out of necessity. 

Birthday GiftAs I sift through the photos of the kids Qhubeka has provided bicycles for so far one thing strikes me time and time again: kids will be dressed in their “Sunday best” yet they won't be wearing socks. 

These kids walk to school without socks. 

The kids who we give bicycles to have nothing, and I have enough stuff that I'm throwing out things I don't need by the box.

I just filled five black bags with clothes. These were clothes that my husband and I no longer wear. 

I took the bags and gave them to someone who needs them much more than I. 

As I did this I was reminded of Deuteronomy 10:14: Look around you: Everything you see is God’s—the heavens above and beyond, the Earth, and everything on it. 

Everything is God’s yet I hang on to stuff. 

I act like life is a competition where the person with the most stuff wins. 

Life isn’t a competition. It’s a gift. (tweet this)

I want to change. 
I want to live my life differently. 
I want to give more than I take. 

Life isn't a competition quoteI'm turning 32 on 2 November. And would like to ask you to give at least R32 ($3,20 or 2EUROS) in lieu of a birthday gift to help fund a bicycle for kid who walks to school.

My gift list this year is short: I want a bicycle. 

A bicycle that can #GiveHope to a child and give them a chance to attend school more and achieve their dreams.

Will you join me on this journey? Will you give a little bit of excess away? 

If you’re up for it (and live in South Africa) you can donate here via EFT or credit card
If you live outside of South Africa and would like to donate please follow this link so you can donate in your own currency and just put “For Wendy’s birthday” in the note box.

If you'd like to know more about how Qhubeka changes lives with bicycles go to http://www.qhubeka.org/

Ponder: How does the thought that God everything is God’s change how you view your stuff?

Prayer: Lord, help me to live life giving more than I take. 

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In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Friday.

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Photo Credits: Qhubeka and Donovon Thorne | Design: Wendy van Eyck

Jesus is still reckless with hope

1:16 pm Wendy van Eyck 0 Comments

Matthew 28:16-21 devotional
Meanwhile, the eleven disciples were on their way to Galilee, headed for the mountain Jesus had set for their reunion. The moment they saw him they worshiped him. Some, though, held back, not sure about worship, about risking themselves totally.
Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:16-20 (MSG)

Sometimes I’m not sure what God is doing. 

Some things in life just don’t seem to make sense. 

I think the disciples must have felt that way when they Jesus came to have a reunion with them for after he rose from the dead. 

I think that I would have been amongst the disciples holding back, not risking themselves totally. 

Which is why I love that the very next verse says, “Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead…”

Jesus is reckless with hopeI love that Jesus doesn’t wait for me to be in exactly the right place in my life before he shares my purpose with me. 

When I hold myself back, out of uncertainty, Jesus is still reckless with hope. (tweet this)

When I'm unsure Jesus still moves toward me.

Jesus doesn’t wait for me to sort my life, my heart or my future, before he calls me to live for him. (tweet this)

So often, I think Jesus will only use me when I have all my ducks in a row, but as I read these verses this morning, I was realised that there is one thing that will never stop Jesus: Me. 

Jesus isn’t phased by my lack of faith, my belief in my ability, or whether I think I’m good enough. (tweet this)

Jesus won’t let whatever holds me backing from risking everything fully for him, stop him from inviting me to know life, life and more life

Instead Jesus just stands there saying, “Go, live the life you’ve heard me speak about, and I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Ponder: What holds you back from living the life Jesus is calling you too? Do you think knowing Jesus isn’t deterred by those things would help you move towards it.

Pray: Jesus, help me to be undeterred like you by the things I think hold me back. 

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In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Friday.

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Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Gratisography.com and unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck


When Love takes you places you never expected

9:56 am Wendy van Eyck 0 Comments

Love quote
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8 (VOICE)

Sun fell in shafts on the square as Xylon and I propped our feet on our backpacks. Opposite in a row of old women sat smoothing knee-length skirts over their knees and speaking rapidly in Spanish.

Xylon pointed, and I turned to see an auburn haired woman clutching the hand of a blonde toddler heading towards us. We had never met Susannah but we guessed this must be her. Pulling our bags behind her we walked over to introduce ourselves.

Susannah took us back to her apartment and started showing us around the space we would be living for a week. Her English was close to perfect so I asked her to share her story.

Susannah told us of a childhood in New York, of growing up Spanish in the US and how she returned to Spain as an adult and fell in love with a man from a small Spanish town. She laughed softly as she said, 
"Love takes you places you never expected to go." (tweet this)

Her words stuck in my head.

I thought about how Jesus is God and God is Love. 

And how sometimes having a relationship with God means going places I never expected and loving people I thought I never could. 

I thought about all the places Love goes that I never expected: 
How Love forgets every wrong. 
How Love opens his arms and pulls me towards him no matter how dark my thoughts, heart or actions.
How Love never fails. 

I thought about our marriage: how I never expected love to take us through days of radiation, months in hospital and years of chemo. 

I thought about Jesus and how his love for me took him to some hard places. I wondered if he ever expected his love for me to take him to Calvary, to a cross, to a grave, to coming back from the dead. 

I wondered if Jesus knew Love would have him offering life to prostitutes, thieves, murderers. (tweet this)

Did Jesus expect that a woman would wash his feet with her hair and a bottle of the world’s most expensive shampoo out of love?

I thought about the people I know who have left family, country, jobs, just because Love calls them to live a different story. 

And I thought about how, as I let God show me how to love, he leads to me people, places and ideas I would never have expected. 

And I found a prayer stumbling from my lips, “Love, take me places I never expected to go.”

Ponder: What places, moments or people has God brought into your life out of love that you never expected? 

Pray: Love, take me places I never expected to go.

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{Get my book}
In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Friday.

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Photo Credits (Creative Commons): Gratisography.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck

If you’re wondering if Jesus likes all of you (or how depression showed me he does)

8:53 am Wendy van Eyck 0 Comments

Bible verse from Isaiah never alone
But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them - sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute. Isaiah 42:16 (MSG)

I was 21, and standing in the dog food aisle, when I realised that I did not want to kill myself anymore. 

I remember the moment clearly; I can even picture the bag of dog food I was examining when I realised that I did not want to die, that I wanted to take another shot at life. 

For the first time in almost a year, I wanted to breathe, to live, and to stop wishing cars would run me over when I walked to University. 

When I was growing up – blowing bubbles, climbing jungle gyms and jumping on trampolines – I never imagined at 21 I would be unravelling like the hem of my trouser leg and needing to crawl home for some love and repair and hope. 

I had walked away from the life I had dreamt of living and I did not know what to do next, or who I was, or what life meant. 

Unsure of who I was, and with depression lingering, I knew only one thing: Jesus was with me and he liked me. {tweet this}

Even today there are times when I know nothing else but this one thing. I do not understand it. And I wrestle and grapple and argue about it constantly with myself, with others, and with Jesus. 

Jesus liked all of me. He liked the dark places I wished to flee, and the shadows where I dwelt, and the light that reminded me of who I used to be. Jesus stayed with me, not out of pity, but out of love.

I do not know how Jesus happened to be there, and I do not know how he found me, all I know is that he was there. 

When I was stumbling through my life, when I was wandering in darkness, Jesus was with me, and he liked me, every bit as much as the little girl who laughed on the swing.

To be honest, sometimes it felt like I was alone, like I was walking with my hands out along a foggy road but then the mist would clear and I’d catch a glimpse of the One who walked with me.  

I’d hold that picture in my mind and head towards it reminding myself of the promise in Isaiah 42:16: 
I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them - sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.
Sometimes my life still makes no sense to me, often I feel myself battling the darkness, squinting for a glimpse of the One I know will take my hand before I fall, the One I know will stick with me through the darkest days

Ponder: Do you think that Jesus likes you on best days? What about on the worst ones?

Prayer: Lord, take my hand when I can’t see where I’m going. 

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{Get my book}
In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Friday.

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When you long for peace

8:42 am Wendy van Eyck 0 Comments

Micah 5:5 bible verse
 He will be our peace. When the Assyrians invade us, set foot inside our strong palaces, We will raise up more than enough to conquer them—seven shepherds and eight rulers of men. Micah 5:5 (VOICE)

I don't think I realised as a child how hard life can be: how many problems, troubles and disasters can come a person’s way. 

Sometimes, like the last week as I watched my brother and sister-in-law come and go from NICU, the reality of the brokenness, so many of us live in everyday, hit me.

Hospitals are a hard place to run from the realities of life, a hard place to hide from death.

But in all this I've been reminded of a promise hidden in Micah 5:5, He will be our peace.

Jesus who the Angels about who the angels sang at his birth: "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Jesus will hold me, comfort me and quiet me with his love when the troubles of this life seem too heavy. (tweet this)

When a cancer diagnosis comes.
Jesus will be my peace.

When a child is born with a life of challenges.
Jesus will be my peace.

When a loved one breathes their last. 
Jesus will be my peace.

When I leave homes and move towns.
Jesus will be my peace.

When colleagues speak words that bruise me.
Jesus will be my peace.

When friends seem more distant than if they lived in another town. 
Jesus will be my peace.

When we hear of wars and terror.
Jesus will be my peace.

When fear of the future clutters my soul.
Jesus will be my peace. (tweet this)

Ponder: What areas of your life do you need Jesus to come and be your peace? 

Pray: Jesus, come and be my peace. 

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{Get my book}
In my free e-book Life, Life and More Life I share thoughts on how to make every moment count gleaned from my experiences of loving my husband through 18 sessions of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. If you would like a free copy please subscribe below to receive my devotionals every Monday and Friday.

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Photo Credits (Creative Commons): unsplash.com | Design: Wendy van Eyck