When Trusting God Is All You’ve Got

7:09 am Wendy van Eyck 8 Comments

In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. Psalm 25:1 (NIV)

“Do you want to do this?” my husband asks as we sit outside the sperm bank.
“No…do you?” I whisper.
“Not at all.” He says.
“Ssshall we go?” I stutter.
In reply, he turns the key, and drives out of the fertility clinic.

My husband and I drove all the way to deposit sperm after he was diagnosed with cancer, and then we couldn’t do it.

We’d talked about it, we’d prayed about it, we’d researched it and met with doctors about it.

We wanted to be wise about our fertility.

We didn’t want to play games with the future generations God might give us.

But in the end we couldn’t go through it.

We turned around and left, because we felt that God was telling us to not only trust him with our lives, but with our fertility.

I don’t know exactly what that means for us.

I don’t know if it means we’ll have children one day, or whether we’ll adopt, or whether God has something else planned for us. I don’t know the stresses and strains it might put on our relationship or how it might change us.

All I know, is that in that parking lot we decided to put all our trust and hope in Jesus – to trust him completely.

I don’t know what you’re trusting God completely for:
  • your fertility
  • your marriage
  • your job
  • your child
  • your health

The list is endless. 

I have learnt that saying, “We’re trusting God for X” isn’t a guarantee that we’ll get what we want or even what we think we need. 

Sometimes we use trusting God as euphemism for “We’re going to get what we want.”

That’s not what trust is.

I think trust is more a quite confidence that God will always give us his best (even if we think that looks like the worst possible outcome).

When you don’t know the outcome, or when the situation you hoped would turned out for the best turns out differently to what you hoped that’s when you’re really trusting God.

And sometimes trusting God tastes a little like fear: metallic and dry.

I’m learning that when I taste fear I can whisper like David: “In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”

Just saying the words reminds me of the feeling I had in the parking lot: God is worthy of all our trust, all the time, in every situation and through every outcome.

Is there something in your life that you need to trust God with? Why not pray Psalm 25:1 right now.

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[Note if you’re struggling with infertility: my heart goes out to you. I don’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I know how agonizing this decision was for my husband and I. This post isn’t meant to be a “sperm-preservation-is-wrong-post”. It just wasn’t the right thing for my husband and I, and we didn’t feel that it was what God wanted for us. But it might be where he is guiding you. Let God’s grace and peace lead you as put ALL your trust in Him.]

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