Finding God In The Silences

9:18 am Wendy van Eyck 9 Comments

Be still, and know that I am God! Psalm 46:10b (NLT)


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MY HUSBAND HAS CANCER.

Hodgkins Lymphoma to be exact, he’s been fighting it for the last 4 months with the help of chemotherapy. 

After a chemotherapy session my husband finds maintaining conversation tiring.

We don’t talk much in the minutes and hours and days following chemo. 

At first I found the silences hard. 

I felt like I needed to fill them, I kept trying to find the words that would make everything better, the syllables that would make his cancer go away. I haven’t found the phrase yet but I found the beauty of silence.

Often in the days following chemo my husband and I just lie next to each other in silence for ages. Sometimes I’ll hug him or hold his hand. 

Other times just knowing that I’m there in the same room is enough. 

I don’t tell him about my day or ask about his, we don’t talk about how we wish he wasn’t sick, or that it looks like we need a new washing machine. We just lie there. 

It’s weird because I used to think that the only way I could help him was to do stuff but I’m learning that one of the things that helps the most, that makes him happiest and gets my husband through the hard times, is simply being there.

I’ve begun to realise that maybe this is what makes God happiest too. 

That what makes God smile isn’t only our busy lives or good deeds, or how much of the bible we read today, but it’s when we just crawl up next to him and say, “Do you mind if I just sit here with you?”. 

He doesn’t need fancy words to know how we feel, or actions to tell him that we love him, sometimes I think God’s heart is warmed simply because we want to be with him.

Is there space in your life to just be still with God?

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